My husband played a big role in it. If he can keep a more objective attitude, he can reduce unnecessary friction between many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Because as a mother-in-law, I care about losing to each other, but in marriage, my wife doesn't mind losing to her husband. Similarly, in the mother-child relationship, mothers don't mind losing to their sons.
This sounds feasible in theory, but if it is to be used in real life, the difficulties are enormous.
First of all, not every boy has the emotional intelligence and ability to reasonably distinguish and deal with this contradiction, so they would rather pretend not to know;
Secondly, facing the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, in the eyes of girls, there are many things that make them feel wronged. From the standpoint of a boy, maybe he thinks it's no big deal, just be a little more tolerant.
Finally, even if the boy wants to show his position in this relationship, he may not be able to play a positive role as he wishes.
For example, the most basic point, as a mother, is it enough to respect her son, whether she believes that he has the ability to handle all kinds of affairs independently, whether she listens to his opinions reasonably, and whether she can live her old age with peace of mind instead of thinking about continuing her child's life.
I know a boy. A few years before marriage, there will always be some small friction between wife and mother, mainly in raising children. Both mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are not satisfied. His wife thinks that her mother dotes on her granddaughter too much and her children are unreasonable. As a daughter-in-law, it's hard to say anything. After all, it is also a credit and hard work for the mother-in-law to help with the children.
As a son, he later told his mother about it at his wife's suggestion. Later, his mother immediately changed a lot and stopped buying food for her children.
In this case, he must first have a premise, that is, as a son, he has been using practical ability to prove that he is an independent individual and trustworthy. In this case, the mother will certainly consider any opinions put forward by her son.
Without this premise, it may be that my son sometimes puts forward some reasonable suggestions, but when it falls into his mother's eyes, he talks back and turns his elbow outward, and he can't see his good intentions.
Even some mothers will put this dissatisfaction on their daughters-in-law, thinking that their sons changed because they listened to each other's fanning after marriage.
In the final analysis, as a son, he has never been independent enough in his mother's heart. So some mothers, even after their sons get married, will still participate in his life and give their own opinions.
Carelessness may lead to discord between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
My son won't mind my mother nagging, but my daughter-in-law will. Because the mother-in-law is not a mother, it is impossible to be intimate. A small matter, a little carelessness, may lead to speculation and alienation between two people. Because of this, we should pay more attention to the sense of distance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law
Distance produces beauty and mutual respect.
Otherwise, the contradiction between the two people will definitely get bigger and bigger.
A girl said that she and her husband met on a blind date. Before marriage, she felt that he had a good personal condition and treated her well, so she was still very satisfied. I got married after knowing each other for about half a year.
After marriage, when she really started to walk into her husband's life, she found that the apparent goodness before marriage did not prove that two people were really suitable. If you just eat, drink and be merry, everyone feels harmonious, but marriage is not like this.
Marriage is more about the details of life, the test of daily necessities, and the worldly wisdom that needs to be dealt with from their respective families.
Her husband's mother is the kind of person with strong personality. Before getting married, she wanted to arrange everything for her son, but after getting married, she didn't get rid of this habit, so she stood in her son's position and unconsciously asked her what to do. Probably as a mother, she thinks it's good for her son.
She hopes that her daughter-in-law can copy her previous behavior and provide convenience and happiness for her son's life as much as possible.
However, anyone can think that as a wife, if the meaning of marriage is to serve each other like a nanny, then this relationship is definitely not harmonious. Originally, between husband and wife, it is important to understand each other, compromise each other, and pay some for each other, so as to balance this relationship to the maximum extent.
Anyone who gives will subconsciously desire to return.
Therefore, as a daughter-in-law, I am naturally disgusted with my mother-in-law's behavior, thinking that I am unclear and care too much. Later, the contradictions in these details kept piling up in life and were not dealt with in time, which led to her serious rejection of her mother-in-law. At the sight of her mother-in-law, the whole person was uncomfortable.
And her husband doesn't play any role in it, because her mother-in-law doesn't listen to her husband at all. Although her husband is almost 30 years old, in her mother-in-law's heart, she always thinks that her son is still a child and any mistakes can be forgiven.
Naturally, she will not respect what a child says.
The formation of this relationship is not only related to the mother-in-law's strong personality, but also related to her husband's lack of ability.
Before marriage, in life, the husband was not independent enough. Everything was arranged by his mother, and he just did it.
Ideologically, her husband used to listen to her mother-in-law. Mother is what she said and never put forward her own ideas, so the mother-in-law will naturally not consider her son's feelings in the future;
The most crucial point is that the husband needs to be attached to his mother to some extent because of his economic independence. Before marriage, this contradiction did not show up. At that time, she just saw that her husband had a car and a house in full, and there were still some savings in his hand. She thought that when the conditions were good, the pressure of life after marriage would be less.
The problem is that her husband's garage was not bought by himself, but by her mother-in-law.
So she said, "I thought it was a good thing for my husband to have a car and a house without a loan, and he would be very happy after marriage." I didn't expect this to become the root of the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. "
No matter what the relationship between two people is, if a person wants to have enough right to speak, he definitely needs personal ability as support. If you have the ability to persuade him, he will respect you.
Otherwise, it's no use talking too much.
Therefore, in some mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships, it is not that the boy is unwilling to take a stand, but that he cannot take a stand and his words cannot be alleviated. On the contrary, because of his incompetence, the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law may deepen. The mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are unreasonable. If they are not so reasonable, in this case, the possibility that the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will eventually affect the marriage relationship will naturally increase greatly.