There is always a distance between ideal and reality. It seems very close, but yet it is out of reach. In theory, no matter how old you are, you can have the spark of love, otherwise there would be no such thing as love at dusk. But most of them only exist in ideals. The reality is that most divorced women, If you want to marry for love, it is really as difficult as winning the lottery.
But women also like to weave their own dreams of love and indulge in them. Only when the dream is shattered do they realize that they have been hurt again. The following is the remarriage experience of a reader's mother. After ten years, she finally saw the true face of the second-married man who kept saying that he loved her. For the convenience of narration, the first person is used below.
When I was 10 years old, my father did something wrong to my mother. My mother had a strong temperament and could not tolerate such betrayal. Although my father also apologized and admitted his mistake, and despite the advice of my grandparents and grandparents, my mother still had a strong temper. Still insisting on divorce. After my mother got divorced, I followed her.
Because my father still has some money and a lot of wealth. So after my mother got divorced, she got three houses. With these material foundations, my mother didn't have to worry about her future life at all. I was only 10 years old at that time and didn't understand adults' feelings very well. I just felt that my father and mother would be separated from now on. After my mother got divorced, she was not in a hurry to consider remarriage. She still cared about my feelings. First, she was afraid that I would be in a wolf's den after emerging from the tiger's den, and she was afraid that I would meet someone unkind again. Second, she was afraid that the stepfather she found for me would not treat me well. .
When I grew up, I realized that my mother was a very emotionally insecure woman. She longed for love but was afraid of being hurt. Therefore, my mother is extremely cautious when it comes to remarriage.
When I was 12 years old, my mother and stepfather met. Let’s talk about the stepfather’s situation first. My stepfather was 5 years older than my mother. I heard that he was widowed and had a son and a daughter. The daughters were already in college at the time. My stepfather's family situation is very poor. He lives in the countryside and only runs a small business in the city. He does not have a house in the county. Even so, my stepfather at that time was a good person in my heart, even better than my biological father, because my stepfather often bought me various toys and beautiful clothes, and he would patiently comfort me every time I cried. And my biological father sometimes yells at me.
My stepfather’s behavior towards me dispelled my mother’s worries that my stepfather would treat me badly. What made her mother decide to marry her stepfather was that her stepfather made her feel loved. At the age of 12, I also understood the feelings of adults. Ever since my mother and stepfather started dating, I could tell from the smile on my mother's face that she was happy.
My stepfather not only makes me happy, but also makes my mother happy. Three years after my mother's divorce, she fell in love again. My mother felt that my stepfather was different from my father. His financial condition was so poor that he would not do anything wrong to her. This made her mother feel relieved, and since her stepfather gave her the love she wanted, it was natural for the two of them to get married.
At that time, I was quite happy for my mother, and I did not resist my parents’ remarriage like some children from remarried families. Since my stepfather did not have a house in the county, my mother provided the wedding room as a matter of course. From then on, there were three more people in my family. In theory, I had a brother and sister.
My mother remarried for three years, when I was 16. The relationship between my mother and stepfather seemed to be very good. I don’t know what kind of ecstasy soup my stepfather poured into my mother, but my stepfather’s name was actually added to the house booklet of the house we live in now. Of course, I only found out about this after the fact.
Later, I was admitted to college, and my stepfather’s brothers and sisters also graduated from junior college. My brother did not go out to pursue his career. After graduation, he returned to our county. My stepfather alone cannot afford to buy a house for my brother. My brother has also reached the age of marriage. What should I do? My stepfather actually coaxed my mother around again, and my mother transferred one of the houses to my stepfather's son without even discussing it with me, her biological daughter.
When I found out about this afterwards, I was very angry and said to my mother, "Mom, the house is your biggest asset. You gave it away so easily. Have you considered it later?" Even if you don't think about me, you have to think about yourself." But the mother said, "Your stepfather said that his son will provide for me until the end of his life. You will get married anyway, and your stepfather said that he will take care of me. For a lifetime."
Oh, this is the mother who was brainwashed by my stepfather. Now that it has become a fact, I can only hope that my stepfather will keep his word and treat my mother well. Later, my mother used the money to do business for my stepfather, and my stepfather really made a fortune. Just when my mother was so proud, she discovered that her wealthy stepfather had another woman. When her mother found out, she could not accept this fact no matter what, life or death. As for my stepfather and his son, neither one of them came to apologize or comfort my mother. What kind of family are these?
My mother was so angry that she fell ill, and my stepfather never came to the hospital even once. I was the only one who stayed with my mother. I advised my mother that money is something external to the body. If it’s gone, it’s gone. If you can see the true face of a man like your stepfather, it’s still too late to retreat. If you feel uncomfortable, then we will file a lawsuit with him. , fighting to get our house back, this is all I can do to comfort my mother.
At this time, my stepfather came over again to beg my mother for forgiveness, but my mother would never believe him again. It was only after my mother remarried for ten years that I saw the true face of my stepfather: the purpose of a second-married man is simply terrible, and he just wants to Figure your money.
Ten years ago, such a story would have made me sympathize, but now, I am willing to look at the experience of this reader’s mother in a different light. If the first marriage was a result of bad luck and bad luck, which led to the husband's betrayal; what about the second marriage? Is this still the case?
We all know that if you blame anything objectively, you will naturally shirk the responsibility completely and make yourself relaxed. However, in this way, it conceals the real secret of the failure of the marriage. The mother's marriage failed again. In the opinion of "I" in the article, it was because the stepfather was bad and the mother was stupid.
The mother must have been deceived by the stepfather before she was willing to transfer the house to the stepfather. However, this conclusion is inappropriate because the mother is an adult and has a normal IQ, so she is not so easily deceived. Liar. So the only explanation for her doing this is that she is using her excessive efforts to exchange for the love given to her by her stepfather. Maybe you would say that her stepfather was already kind to her at that time, but her mother's heart longed for more. After entering the marriage, her stepfather could no longer treat her as well as he did when he pursued her mother. Her mother did not want to bear this kind of loss. Because of her emotions, she acted in such a way that was beneficial to her stepfather and detrimental to herself.
In the final analysis, she is sacrificing her boundaries and bottom line in exchange for more love from her stepfather. And just like when she first chose her remarriage partner, her stepfather, she actually always had this mentality. The stepfather is older than the mother, and his financial situation is not good. Although he will greet him, objectively speaking, he is not worthy of the mother in the article. But why did the mother accept it? That's because, deep down in her heart, she longs for more love, so she is willing to lower some of the conditions for choosing a mate in an attempt to get more love.
When a woman is always in a state of lacking "love", she is often particularly vulnerable to encountering men with bad conditions or even scumbags. Therefore, Mei Niang wants to say to this unfortunate divorced woman, the less you lack such a thing as "love", the more scumbags you will meet. So how to change?
In the book "Intimacy" by Canadian international speaker Christopher Meng, he said:
When we ask others to love us, we deny that we have enough in our hearts. love. Feeling unloved will inevitably lead to some unloving beliefs in us, if we are not worthy of being loved, or we are not lovable... So, even if our partner assures us that we are lovable, there is a stronger one inside us. The voice says we are not lovable.
So, we say that the stepfather is hateful, but we must also consider that there must be some problems in the process of getting along with the mother. The mother's "lack of love", if you are not clear about it, don't want to truly understand it. If you rely on yourself to make up for it, you will easily be taken advantage of by people with ulterior motives. Thinking about it conversely, if the mother has repaired her heart, then the stepfather will have no loopholes to exploit, and the relationship will not cross the line. Maybe the two of them have said that now Maybe we can still be together.
The badness of a scumbag is inherent, but many times, this badness is induced by your "deficiencies". If you don't know how to fill in your deficiencies, you will eventually find that your second marriage has broken down. It's strikingly similar to the first time. Therefore, intimate relationship is like a mirror. Each of us has to see our own shortcomings in the other person, and then make up for it. The better you make up for it, the more initiative you will have in the marriage.
Finally, everyone deserves to be loved. Because everyone is so special, when there is no love from the outside world, please cherish yourself. Only if you love yourself enough, will you encounter more love from the outside world, and can you truly take the initiative in your marriage.