A netizen said that after having a child, did not bring the child home, they are not even qualified to go home. Cry me a river, I'm afraid it's a gift from my phone bill.
Spending their childhood being knocked around by their parents and growing up, they thought they could establish their authority after becoming parents, but they were beaten into a bottom position by their elderly family members. In the "next-generation relatives" family, do parents too "South" ......
We always despise the shortcomings brought by the next-generation relatives: two generations between the concept of parenting ideas of different and The fact is that the majority of the people in the world are not aware of the fact that they have been in the same boat for a long time, and that they are not aware of the fact that they have been in the same boat for a long time.
But in fact, think about it from another angle, sometimes, the so-called intergenerational relatives, in fact, the old man in the grandchildren to find the love of children.
01
Some people say, "Parents' love for their children is harsh, and their love for their grandchildren is doting."
But in fact, the love of parents for their own children are hidden in the grandchildren of the "next-generation relatives" inside.
Fangfang, a little girl from Dongyang, Zhejiang Province, was found to have congenital biliary atresia at birth, which would jeopardize her liver and require a liver transplant.
"I was devastated and felt the sky was falling." The child's mother spoke of her child with red eyes.
According to the doctor's advice, choosing a relative to donate the liver was the most appropriate way. Unexpectedly, the matching results showed that among the many relatives, only the grandmother and Fangfang had the same blood type.
Grandma righteously said, "As long as I'm healthy, use mine!"
Grandpa added: "In fact, the child's grandmother was quite happy at the time, thinking that she could have taken this cut instead of her daughter."
The decision was made without any kinks at all.
The operation turned out to be a success, and Grandma's 305 grams of liver was successfully transplanted into Fangfang. It may seem like Grandma saved her granddaughter, but in essence it was Grandma's heart that ached for her daughter, and when the results of the match came back, Grandma was glad she could help her daughter, even if it meant giving up her own liver.
This continuation of the love of life in the grandchildren is a continuation of the love of one's own sons and daughters.
Because you are my daughter, and your children are my children, I am happy to be able to take this cut, and willing to suffer this for you.
The intergenerational kinship is a continuation of life, a continuation of love.
02
In life, we always misunderstand our parents or fail to truly understand their love.
Once I saw a netizen's story: after the daughter's maternity leave was over, she suffered from the problem of not being able to take care of both the workplace and the family, so she asked her mother to help her with the child, and her mother came from her hometown without saying a word to her, and with her mother's help, she did relieve her of a lot of burdens, and her daughter could go to work without worrying about her.
But if the daughter hadn't gotten up to go to the bathroom that night and found her mother taking medication, she never would have known that her mother was so overworked from helping her with the baby that she was mentally ill and had to take medication to help her sleep.
The daughter felt guilty when she found out, but it was her mother who reassured her that she would be fine if she got more rest.
The mother is quietly helping herself to the pressure, but she is not seriously concerned about her.
In order to let her daughter to reduce the pressure of life, the mother of the daughter's children to take care of everything, rather than love grandchildren rather than love their own daughter.
And as sons and daughters, they often neglect their feelings and care for their parents because of the pressure and busyness of life, and even, go on to blame their parents and accuse them because of the problems of bringing up their children.
In the "Thank you for coming" a program came a mother and daughter, the old mother at home to help her daughter with granddaughter, from birth to bring the appearance of seven or eight years old daughter in order to go out to work, from a young age, did not care about the child, every month to give the family money, it is thought that there is no longer a responsibility to do everything to reproach the mother.
One time accidentally child lost, anxious old mother in order to find the granddaughter accidentally fell down the stairs but did not care, find the granddaughter, daughter also arrived at the scene, publicly scolded the old mother is waste.
The audience and the host of the show were furious at the daughter's behavior, and the mentor Tu Lei directly rebuked: you can't bring it, don't have it.
This phenomenon of old parents helping their children to bring up their children but being blamed by their children is not uncommon in life, taking the love of their parents for granted and even throwing the responsibility of raising their own children to their parents, but blaming their parents for the problems.
As children, they don't really understand the feelings of their parents and the love they have for them, but only complain and demand.
Because parents love their children, understand their children, and share their stress, but when they get older, they actually need their children's understanding and care, and the love of their children extends to their grandchildren, and their children should give their love back to them.
03
The "old drifters", a new word derived from urban development in recent years, refers to the elderly who support their children by leaving their homes and traveling thousands of miles to the big cities where their children work to take care of the third generation.
Big data show that there are nearly 18 million elderly people living with their families in China, accounting for 7.2 percent of the country's migrant population, with as many as 43 percent of them traveling with their families specifically to take care of the third generation.
They should be enjoying their twilight years, but they are running around, choosing to "drift" not for their own sake, but in order to allow their offspring to better pursue a life and have a better future, not about obligations, but for the sake of the children.
In a video interview, during the summer vacation, when the sun was blazing and the outdoor temperature was suffocating, a group of elderly people waited outside the hobby classroom for their children to be picked up and taken home from class.
One of them, 64-year-old Guo Auntie, is a senior "old drift", summer and winter vacations in Hangzhou with grandchildren, in September and October back to Shandong to cut Yulin, planting wheat, the rest of the time in Jiangsu with grandchildren.
Three places a year, she felt that although it is hard, but can help children to reduce the burden of pressure, she thinks it is worth.
The phenomenon of intergenerational child care is very common in China, and many old drifters say that although it is difficult to communicate in a lonely social circle and language in foreign countries, they actually feel more sorry for their children and want to share the pressure for their children, so even if it's hard, they are still willing to leave their homes to help their children take care of their children.
But what do parents really need?
Behind the surface of the "next-of-a-kind" relationship lies the parents' love for their children, but also the emotional need for an empty psyche.
They need the love and care of their children in their old age.
And the grandchildren are the bridge of emotional continuity between them and their children.
In the movie "Journey to Heaven," the aging Frank, a retired worker who applies protective coatings to electrical wires, and his wife love his children very much and take care of them.
In the eight months since his wife's death, Frank realizes that he is growing apart from his children, four of whom work in different cities and rarely have time to come home to visit Frank.
Lonely Frank misses his children so much that he just wants to spend the rest of his time with them, so he ignores his doctor's warnings and embarks on a journey alone to visit his four children, and finally on the way to the hospital due to a heart attack, Frank, and his children are finally gathered in front of Frank's bed.
Frank opened his eyes after the first sentence is: "I finally got my family to the same room."
Life is a long river that keeps flowing, don't wait until you lose it to regret not being there for your parents.
Please cherish and care for that "next-generation" old man who loves you in another way.
Please cherish and care for the old man who loves you in a different way.