Home is a warm harbor for men and women, a bridge between men and happiness, and a place where men and women warm and comfort each other. In short, if a man and a woman are married and want to live happily together, they must do three things: first, give each other enough respect and tolerance; Second, care about each other's feelings and don't ignore the people you love; Third, think from the other person's point of view, don't be selfish for yourself and treat your partner as an outsider.
Marriage is a double-sided paper, red represents pain and separation, and gold represents happiness and happiness. Whether the paper is red or gold depends on how you treat your lover. I think Hu Jianyun's view on a happy marriage is very rational and correct, but obviously, after listening to this passage, everyone will feel something and do what it means. There is a good saying, "many people understand the truth, and those who listen think it is right, but often no one does it." This is not aimed at Hu Jianyun, but a warning to some friends: You are not a child, let alone an idiot. Don't turn what you know to make marriage happier into a wind blowing in your face, otherwise it will be really difficult for you to get along with your other half for a long time, otherwise it will be difficult for you to experience happiness in marriage.
When I was reading some articles, I found that many people wrote "Ma Baonan", and I also found that many netizens commented that "Ma Baonan" could not get married, and that "Ma Baonan" listened to his mother and his marriage could not last long. Netizens commented on "Ma Baonan". Does "Ma Baonan" know? I think many "Ma Maonan" know it, so why don't they correct their mistakes? Personally, I think they are the kind of people who "do what they know they can't do" and have luck in their hearts. So they know that something their parents said is bad for their marriage, and they will do it again. A friend of mine, Zhang Haiyan, recently divorced. She told me that she didn't regret divorcing her ex-husband, but she regretted not divorcing him earlier. When I heard her say this, I felt a sense of sadness for her.
Haiyan was known to me during my college years. She studied hard in college, took an active part in various activities, and got excellent grades. After graduation, she became the manager of an enterprise in less than one year, and met her ex-husband Li Liang at work. Li Liang is her boss, and they often work together. Over time, they have mutual affection. Li Liang has three points about Haiyan: the first point is that he has strong working ability and is serious in his work; Second, he is very filial; The third point is that he is very kind to her and often helps her in her work and life. After two years of love, Haiyan agreed to Li Liang's proposal. Haiyan thinks that Li Liang's earnest attitude towards his work and his filial piety show that he is a rare good man and a hot commodity, and he will certainly bring him the expected happiness in marriage. Although Haiyan's cognition of lovers is correct, she ignores that a man with filial piety does not know how to honor his parents.
In the first two years of marriage, Haiyan lived happily, and Li Liang treated her well. Everything changed until she got pregnant and gave birth to a child and resigned at home. During confinement, Haiyan's mother-in-law volunteered to take care of her grandson. Haiyan is very grateful for this. She thinks she can relax in the future. Who knows, after her mother-in-law came, she took care of the children, but her mother-in-law didn't do laundry and cook. According to Haiyan's mother-in-law, "I take care of my grandson, but as a daughter-in-law, you must do what your daughter-in-law should do." Haiyan is very complaining about this. She often complains to Li Liang that "it is better not to let her mother-in-law take care of her children. Now the child doesn't need my care, but I have to take care of her food, clothing, housing and transportation. Isn't this trouble? " A kind of writing. Every time Li Liang listens to his wife's complaints, she always has an attitude of "Mom is right, you should listen to her" and has no scruples about Haiyan's feelings. Not counting this, Haiyan and her mother-in-law had a conflict. Li Liang never stood beside Haiyan, but always condemned Haiyan with his mother.
During the confinement, Haiyan understood that Li Liang's so-called filial piety was simply stupid. In other words, Li Liang is just a "little girl" who listens to her mother. Knowing who Li Liang was, Haiyan's attitude towards Li Liang changed obviously. Her mother-in-law was unreasonable to herself, and she never told Li Liang again. She chose patience for her children. The unhappy married life accompanied Haiyan for almost three years, until she found that their accounts were 200,000 less. Haiyan has resigned from that high-paying job since she became pregnant, and the daily expenses of her family all depend on Li Liang. Although Li Liang's career was in full swing at the beginning, Li Liang's career didn't improve particularly after more than five years of marriage, because she spent most of her family's money when she bought a wedding room, and her savings were not particularly large after her job transfer.
Haiyan knew the actual situation at home, so when she saw that 200,000 yuan was missing, she immediately asked Li Liang. Li Liang said, "My brother wants to buy a house, and my mother says I can't help him. I thought my mother was right, so I gave my brother 200 thousand. What's wrong? " Li Liang's words made Haiyan feel a little cold. He gave 0.2 million/200 thousand, regardless of the actual situation at home and his feelings. Thinking of this, Haiyan said to Li Liang, "How much money does our family have, and you give 200,000 yuan for the children's milk powder now and the money for going to school in the future? Your mother said it to you? " Li Liang has long known that Haiyan has such an attitude. However, he felt that the matter had been done and Haiyan could not stop it. He is angry with himself at best. Sensing the change of Haiyan's attitude, Li Liang gave it to me in the spirit of dedication. What attitude can you take me to say: "She is my mother, can she not listen to what my mother says?" Besides, my brother is not an outsider, which you should understand. "
When Liang said this irresponsible remark about his marriage, Haiyan's heart seemed to be shocked and she trembled with anger. She snapped, "For more than three years after giving birth to a child, every time I quarreled with your mother, you were always with your mother, and you bullied me with your mother. For the sake of the child, I endured it. Now you listen to your mother, regardless of me and the child, you give 200 thousand. What kind of husband are you, and are you qualified to be the father of your child? Divorce, I can't live with you. "
Li Liang couldn't believe what he heard. He thought it was just a small matter, and it was also a filial piety to his parents. His wife should understand her and make her lose her temper. Why do you have to divorce? Li Liang tentatively asked: "Is it worth divorcing me for 200,000?" "Is it worth divorcing me for 200,000 yuan?" These tentative words really let Haiyan's anger and self-attack be instantly extinguished by a freezing cold. Her tears could not stop flowing downwards, and her tone was no longer growling, but she said firmly, "You still don't understand what you did wrong. You still don't understand why I care about this 200 thousand. I was really blind at first. After the divorce, the children are yours. I don't want to find a good home with my children, so let's get together. "
With these words, Haiyan returned to her room and looked at the sleeping baby, feeling extremely painful. This night, Haiyan thought a lot She thought about giving up the divorce for the sake of her children. She thought that the pain of not getting divorced would continue. Finally, the next morning, despite Li Liang's obstruction, Haiyan packed her bags and left her home where she had lived for more than five years. After the divorce, her ex-husband and ex-mother-in-law went to Haiyan several times to admit their mistakes, but Haiyan never compromised and did not choose to remarry. She told me: "I am not a good mother and didn't bring him a warm home." I have nothing to say when my children grow up and complain about me, but I don't regret the divorce. Haiyan's words hurt my heart. I thought to myself: Whose fault is this failed marriage? Whose fault is it that children don't have happy families? Is Haiyan wrong? She didn't. It was her ex-husband and mother-in-law.
Her ex-husband clearly knows that he listens to his mother and ignores his wife's feelings, which will definitely make her complain. He still took chances, listened to his mother's orders and did things that hurt his wife himself. It can't be said that the ex-husband has no pity and care for Haiyan. Haiyan's mother-in-law is even more unreasonable. Doesn't she know that her unreasonable behavior will make her daughter-in-law dislike herself and her son's marriage unhappy? She knew, but she did it anyway.
Why? She thinks that a daughter-in-law should have the consciousness of being a daughter-in-law. She thinks that a daughter-in-law should listen to her like a son. Although she has love for her son in her heart, she cares more about her feelings. As I mentioned above, a happy marriage between husband and wife must achieve three things. Obviously, none of the three things Haiyan had to do in her first marriage failed. In fact, in my opinion, Haiyan's mother-in-law's unreasonable troubles and her own feelings are not the main reasons that directly affect Haiyan's marriage failure. The key lies in Li Liang's ignorance of marriage, which led to Haiyan's chilling divorce.
The purpose of writing this article is not to reprimand anyone. I just want to warn some friends with Haiyan's failed marriage that "respect, understanding, consideration and selflessness" is the key for couples to live a happy life. Don't try your luck in marriage, regardless of each other's feelings, do things that hurt each other, otherwise your's marriage won't last long, and even people who love you won't realize the happiness of marriage and regret marrying you. By the way, remind some male friends that if you listen to your mother and ignore your wife's feelings, your marriage will not last long. Because your behavior is gradually eroding your wife's love for you and the only happiness left in marriage.