Speech joke 3 minutes speech, many friends have encountered the need to give a speech when studying or working. Generally speaking, humorous speeches can not only amuse everyone, but also leave a deep impression on people. If it is a speech contest, it is likely to win the first prize. Here are some jokes for your reference.
Speech joke 3 minutes speech 1 Wu Youliang is the only son of the Wu family. His parents are dead, and his uncle and aunt run the family business. In the autumn of this year, Wu Youliang went to Beijing to catch the exam and passed by Qingshishan in Heyuan County. He was robbed by robbers and ran out of money. It's getting late, hungry and cold, but penniless, so I have to stay in the city for one night and make plans the next day.
When Wu Youliang arrived at the gate, the gate was closed and was about to turn around when a carriage stopped in front of the gate.
The curtain of the carriage was lifted, and there was an old man with a kind face, smiling at Wu Youliang who was at a loss.
This person is the richest man in Heyuan County, known as Boss Mi. Boss Mi has just returned from the rice shop outside the city, waiting for the soldiers guarding the city to open the door for him. Wu Youliang hurried to the carriage, bowed deeply to Boss Mi and asked him if he could take himself into the city. M eldest brother looked at Wu Youliang with a sad face and nodded to let him get on the bus.
Boss Mi and Wu Youliang chatted all the way. Boss Mi is a soldier, and he especially respects people who study. I am very happy to hear that Wu Youliang is a scholar.
Not long after, the carriage stopped in front of a magnificent mansion, and there were two big characters written on the plaque on the door: Li Fu. Wu Youliang knew at this moment that the old man in the car turned out to be the richest man in Heyuan on Megatron's side. Boss Mi invited Wu Youliang into the house as a guest. Wu Youliang is flattered, so he might as well do it respectfully.
The two chatted over a drink. Boss Mi praised Wu Youliang's cleverness, and Wu Youliang thanked Boss Mi for his hospitality.
Boss Mi has opened several rice shops inside and outside the city, and the business is not as good as before recently. Brother M is getting older and older, and he has only one daughter under his knee, so he can't be entrusted with a heavy responsibility. His huge family business is beyond help. His eyes are anxious.
After three rounds of drinking, boss Mi suggested that Wu Youliang be the shopkeeper in the rice shop in his city. Wu Youliang thought that he had a way to make a living and earn some money before going to Beijing next year, so he agreed to Mr. Mi's request.
The next day, Wu Youliang took office in Midian. He checked and counted carefully and methodically. Boss Mi is happy in his eyes.
The rice shop, which had barely maintained its business, gradually flourished in a few days and its sales increased greatly. Scholars selling rice soon spread all over Heyuan county, and more and more people came to the rice shop to buy rice, and gradually began to make profits.
Boss Mi wondered. After only one month's work, the business of the rice shop has greatly improved. Several rice shops outside the city are still slowly maintained. Just put several rice shops outside the city and let Wu Youliang take care of them. Boss Mi is thinking.
Boss Mi goes to the rice shop every day to see what method Wu Youliang has used to make the rice shop prosperous again.
I have been in business for half my life, and I have been dealing with rice for decades, and I haven't seen any flaws. I don't know why. If he doesn't ask Wu Youliang directly, he will lose his face. Every time I go to the store, I just say a few words to Wu Youliang and others, say hello to the guests and leave.
A few months later, almost everyone in Heyuan County came to Mi Laoda's rice shop to buy rice, and the business of Mi Laoda's rice shop grew bigger and bigger. M boss happy at leisure, then let Wu Youliang to take care of the business. Wu Youliang soon became a veritable master, in charge of all the rice shops inside and outside the city.
Although Wu Youliang made a lot of money for Boss Mi, Boss Mi still wanted to find out the mystery. Rice is still the same rice, and it sells the same. Why is there a completely different scene from before? Since Wu Youliang's hands and feet can't be seen during the day, maybe there will be gains at night. Boss Mi sent a caring buddy to keep an eye on Wu Youliang's movements.
At night, the shop was quiet, the guys were asleep, Wu Youliang's abacus was still ringing, and he was doing the accounts.
After calculating the account, he put away the account book, dialed the wick, and then went to the rice warehouse behind the store. The guy who monitored Wu Youliang also took the opportunity to move to the window behind the rice warehouse. Through the window, I saw Wu Youliang pouring out a bag of rice and looking for something inside, as if to check the quality of rice. ...
For several days, everyone else slept at night, and Wu Youliang stayed in Micang for half a night. Boss Mi personally went to Micang to see it, but he still didn't see any flaws.
A year passed quickly, and it was time for the exam in Beijing. Wu Youliang is going to Beijing another day. Boss M has a wishful thinking in his heart and wants Wu Youliang to stay.
Brother M's daughter is now seventeen years old. Many dignitaries in the county want to be in-laws, and people come to propose marriage in an endless stream, which makes Brother M very nervous.
Boss M knows that others are only attracted by his possessions, so he is very cautious when choosing a son-in-law. Boss Mi knows that Wu Youliang and his daughter are very close. If you betroth your daughter to Wu Youliang, he will definitely stay. And the boss's daughter has always had a good impression on Wu Youliang.
If you betroth your daughter to Wu Youliang, it will not only meet your daughter's wishes, but also have a safe person to inherit the family business. After the boss calculated, he kissed Wu Youliang.
Wu Youliang and Mr. Mi's daughter have long been intimate and immediately agreed to this marriage. Because Wu Youliang has no parents, only uncles and aunts. So boss Mi informed Wu Youliang's aunt and uncle to come to discuss the wedding. Who knows that Wu Youliang's uncle and aunt brought a red post to Boss Mi. Boss Mi opened it and was dumbfounded. This is an engagement, but it is still his own handwriting. Boss Mi never imagined that Wu Youliang turned out to be his son-in-law.
10 years ago, Wu Youliang's father, Wu Bingcheng, and Mr. Mi held important positions, and the two ordered a baby. Later, Wu Bingcheng died while working in another place, and his wife died with him. Wu Jiahe and Li have lost contact since then.
In order to revive his ancestral business, Wu Youliang studied hard at a cold window for ten years and went to Beijing to catch the exam for fame, but the travelling expenses were taken away by bandits. It happened that I met Mr. Mi at the city gate that day. Coincidentally, the two families finally formed in-laws.
From then on, Mr. Mi stopped asking about the store and left all the business to Wu Youliang. One day, he went to the rice shop again at leisure and occasionally chatted with several people who bought rice. Everyone praised the rice in his shop. I learned from their mouth that the rice in his shop is the cleanest in the city, with almost no grain of sand and a kilo.
It turned out that when Wu Youliang just took over the rice shop, there was not much business in the store. Wu Youliang looked for sand in the rice and checked the accuracy of each steelyard. First, kill time; Secondly, he thinks that if these little things are done well, others will have less trouble. Slowly, there were more repeat customers in the store, saying that his scales were full and the rice was clean. As the business grew bigger and bigger, rice was sold more and more, so he had to go to the rice warehouse to pick sand at night.
M eldest brother listen Wu Youliang narrative, wondering. Wu Youliang seems to see his father-in-law's mind: if the rice is washed and the scale is full, won't it make less money? So, Wu Youliang told Mr. Mi a story.
A man envied the shopkeeper's achievements very much and asked him the secret of success.
Without saying anything, the shopkeeper brought a big watermelon. The man was puzzled, but he saw the shopkeeper cut the watermelon into three pieces of different sizes.
"If each watermelon represented a certain degree of interest, what would you choose?" As the shopkeeper said, he put the watermelon in front of the man.
"Choose the biggest one!" The man answered without hesitation. The shopkeeper smiled and said, "OK, please use it!" The shopkeeper handed the man the biggest watermelon, but he ate the smallest one himself.
While the man was still enjoying the biggest watermelon, the shopkeeper had finished eating the smallest one. Then, the shopkeeper proudly picked up the remaining piece and ate it. In fact, the smallest piece and the last piece add up to be much bigger than the largest piece. The man immediately understood what the shopkeeper meant: although the watermelon the shopkeeper ate was not as big as his own, it was much more than his own. If each watermelon represents a certain degree of interest, then the shopkeeper will naturally win more interests than himself.
After eating the watermelon, the shopkeeper said to the man seriously, "If you want to succeed, you must learn to give up.". Only by giving up short-term interests can we get long-term profits. This is the way I do business. "
After listening to the story, Mr. Mi nodded thoughtfully and couldn't stop admiring: "I didn't expect that I had been in business for decades and my achievements were not as good as a little scholar!" "
Speech joke 3 minutes speech 2 Three friends, a fool, a normal person and a wise man climbed a mountain through hardships and met the legendary god. God was moved by three people and decided to help each of them realize a wish.
Fools can't believe it. He tried to get a sheepskin coat. God waved and the fool got a sheepskin coat.
Normal people think for a long time and say to God that they want 1 10,000 dollars. God waved his hand, and normal people got an extra deposit slip. He looked at the deposit slip and was surprised. It really has10 million dollars.
It's the wise man's turn He said to think about it for a few more days. He doesn't want to waste such a good opportunity. God told him that he would be here a year later.
Smart people start thinking for a long time. For a year, he did nothing but think about his only wish. The deadline set by God is approaching. He must go back to the mountain and tell God his wish. The wise man hurried on the road and climbed the mountain with difficulty. He kept thinking about what he should wish for God until he met him. He thought: I said give me another 10 thousand wishes. This is the best request he thinks he has made in a year.
It was cold on the mountain, but he was sweating like a pig and soon caught a cold.
God waited patiently for him to say his wish. He sneezed and said, "My wish is to give me another ten thousand …" He couldn't help sneezing again. God smiled and said, "Your wish is unique. I like people who are not greedy. "
So, the wise man stood on the top of the mountain and sneezed loudly for ten thousand times.
Speech joke 3 minutes speech 3 After the plane trembled violently, the stewardess suddenly gave each passenger a piece of paper and a pen with a dignified expression.
Later, the captain's low and depressing voice came from the radio: Unfortunately, I tell you a news that the plane will crash due to a fault in four minutes. Please write down your last words and give them to the flight attendant as soon as possible. Otherwise, you will lose the last chance to contact your relatives!
People put their faces against the windows and looked out. Yes, the clouds flying upwards tell them that the plane is falling. Oh, my God, there was a commotion in the cabin and several women began to cry. Please hurry! The captain urged again. People reluctantly picked up pens and began to write letters to their loved ones.
The plane crashed in the jungle, and all the passengers on board survived. Search and rescue personnel found a special device with passenger's suicide notes, and found that most of the suicide notes were about missing relatives and inheritance distribution, but some were very special and thought-provoking.
A third party wrote to her lover: I think this is karma. I ruined your family, hurt your wife, and finally failed to have you. Go to heaven or go to hell, my soul will not rest in peace. I will always repent for you, for her and for all of us!
An official wrote to his wife: Sorry, wife, I have two things to hide from you. First, I saved a sum of money in private, more than 50 thousand. The passbook is placed under the toilet paper box in the bathroom, and the password is your birthday. Second, I always wanted to divorce you, but I didn't have the courage. I am really tired of your nagging. But it's not necessary this time. God handled the divorce procedure for us. You can have a baby.
A cancer patient wrote to his parents: I wanted to write to you before jumping into the sea, but it was too late. The accident prevented me from realizing my last wish. If you can find my body, please be sure to scatter the ashes into the sea. Unfilial son, the last one!
A poet wrote to an editor: At this moment, my heart really flew. However, fear is wings, and the destination is death.
An entrepreneur wrote to his deputy: the relationship with an official will continue, and the competition with a company will continue; So-and-so factory continues to owe money, so-and-so bank loans continue to rely on it. So-and-so secretary doesn't have to pay her and let her go home.
A corrupt official who fled wrote to his wife in the United States: you fucking rush him!