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Leng Ai replied: On the one hand, this girl doesn't like you that much. If she likes you very much, she won't promise to confess in a few days, but should show it on the spot. On the other hand, reverse rationalization is cruel. The night you slept in the same bed with her, neither of you had sex, so her backward rationalization afterwards would rationalize the fact that you didn't have sex. In other words, she will think it is right not to have sex with you. Since two people can't have sex, they are naturally not suitable as lovers.
So, if you want to save it now, you need to do more than just understand her inner needs, but improve yourself. You don't have a chance to cook raw rice into mature rice now. You have to completely transform yourself and re-establish a second attraction to get new opportunities. This road is very long, and no plug-in allows you to provide her with emotional value in minutes. Don't try to take shortcuts. Step by step, first learn how to improve the relationship with girls, boys.
Woman: Hello, help me see if my boyfriend and I still have a chance to make up. I am 1989 and he is 1987. We were introduced by our relatives on February 27th this year, and we didn't break up until the end of 10. Before May Day, we were always good at solving problems in time. After swimming together on May 1, he went to Inner Mongolia on business until the end of 10. Although he will come back to see me every month during the business trip, we still quarreled over a trivial matter. He is also a narrow-minded person with low self-esteem and self-confidence. On June 5438+00.3, he came back to me because I said a little dirty words, and then we quarreled. I cried and talked to my classmates at night, but didn't coax me. At that time, it was almost 1 o'clock in the morning, and he said that it certainly didn't matter who could talk to you that late. Wait for me downstairs the next night, I didn't go out. He left alone until very late. The next day, he was going on a business trip again. I said I would see him off. He said it was useless, and then we gradually became strangers. Then the cold war broke out unconsciously. He broke up with me at the end of October. I'll go to Inner Mongolia to find him right away. When we arrived at the hotel, it was very good. He also had dinner with his leader. After I returned to Beijing, I contacted him for a few days and answered the phone, but I took the initiative. Later, he didn't answer the phone or reply to text messages. Then go to his dormitory 1 1.08 to find him. He hasn't called or answered, and sent messages. After that, he replied to several messages. Please help me see what it means.
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Leng Ai replied: Seeing this case, I think everyone can understand why I have repeatedly stressed that if you can attach screenshots of chat records, you must attach them. Judging from the text of this case, the case owner seems to be a flawless white Bai Lianhua. The couple resolved the contradiction in time and staged a perfect reunion, but now the other party suddenly doesn't answer the phone or return the text messages, which is really bad. However, when we opened the screenshot of the chat record, everything came out.
Although there are only three screenshots and a few conversations, it has already shown that the case owner is a more demanding girl. From your ex-boyfriend's dormitory, work unit, friends' house and parents' house, everything is a mess. Your ex-boyfriend's relatives and friends were harassed by you, and he was spurned by his buddies, sister-in-law, parents and so on. All these facts of harassment everywhere, if they really exist, no normal man will accept them. These important facts are not reflected in your case statement at all. You just said "look for him in the dormitory" lightly, but compared with the screenshot of the chat record, is this normal "looking for him"? You avoid the important, but you don't repent. It's really good for you to reverse black and white like this.
I sincerely hope that this girl will not be so capricious in the next relationship, let alone an emotional manipulator. The words "I don't like crazy people" and "My family doesn't like crazy people" deserve your vigilance all your life.
Woman: I fell in love with a married man, and now I don't know what to do. 83 years old, 185, weight 130, tortoise, monthly income unknown. In 1992, I was 169 and weighed 1 10. I am still a college student and have no income. His family is better than mine, and he is not alone. We started to know each other on WeChat, because I never met each other when I was studying in a different place, just being friends. Gradually, I had a good impression on him, and he didn't know it. Later, he stopped using my micro signal and lost contact. After I tried to get back in touch, I found that he had a flash marriage after losing contact for half a year. His wife lives with him in a different place, and the leftover men and women of family friends are forced to get married by their elders. They only met a few times before marriage and had no feelings. After a few days of marriage, they continued to live in different places. He is busy at work, and we contact each other before going to bed every night. His sister knew I existed and told him not to get me pregnant. Actually, we haven't had sex yet, which is what I have always insisted on. My question is: I know I am a mistress now, but I feel lucky because of his special marital status. I don't think I am a veritable mistress. Is this my mentality right? Should we be together? If it's wrong, I can't be together, which means there is something wrong with my view of love, which can be serious. Hope to be corrected. If I can be together, how can I get along with him and marry him?
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Leng Ai replied: All married men will declare that their marital status is special. If he is interested in you, how can he stop using WeChat and not add you to the new WeChat? So, it's not a question of whether you should be with him or not, but even if you want to be with him, I'm afraid it may not be as you wish. Her sister said, don't get you pregnant, which means you can have fun, but you can't endanger your family. Since he can accommodate her words, he naturally shares her general ideas. If you say so, be careful.
Woman: Hello, Leng Ai. I've been following you for some time. I think your words are humorous, peaceful and wonderful. I want to ask a question about whether to confess my personal history. I am 25 years old, with an appearance of about 6 points. I have a good family and a decent job. Now that I have a boyfriend, everything seems to be going well, but there is a serious problem that I didn't confess to each other: I was pregnant unexpectedly when I was 20 years old, and I found out that I had a miscarriage 40 days later. No one knows about it except my ex-husband and me. Fake materials were used at that time, and they were all destroyed. Ex and I broke up a year after it happened, and we won't meet again. Things have a certain psychological impact on me, but it will be much better after a few years. I talked anonymously with netizens with relevant experience, and their advice was "Don't tell each other, don't test human nature". I feel very contradictory. On the one hand, I intend not to tell each other, and then be kind to him with guilt, but the risk is that in case of an accident related to the history of abortion in pregnancy and childbirth, it will be discovered and then there will be disastrous consequences. On the one hand, I don't think it's appropriate to cheat each other, but I don't know how to express myself. I hope Leng Ai can give me some advice. From your personal point of view, what do you think is better? Thank you!
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Leng Ai replied: You can go to a regular hospital for a professional examination to assess the impact of your past surgery on fertility. If the assessment has no impact, then this matter can be regarded as your personal privacy and there is no need to talk about it; If the assessment has an impact, it is still necessary to communicate with the incumbent. Of course, this is just my opinion. We have seen girls who have had abortions that affect their fertility. Some choose to communicate frankly with their partners, and some choose to arrange their own related hospitals to hide things. In fact, there are all kinds of choices, which are nothing more than being responsible for the cost that your choice may pay.
In fact, according to the current situation, many girls have done this kind of surgery, and most boys can understand and accept it. As long as you choose a suitable time and in a suitable way, you can arouse each other's desire for protection.
Pay attention to "Cold Love" and analyze emotional problems with you every day.
Woman: You are so cold. I was 164cm98kg, 2 1 year old, and only talked about a college romance. I recently met a boy through a friend's introduction. We have known each other for three months, and we haven't contacted each other every day. The frequency is about one or two days, two or three days or several days in a row. Because of work, we mostly contact at night. Both sides expressed their affection for each other, and in the process of understanding, he also invited several times to go out to contact. He is the same age as me, 172cm, and has been in love for four times. Learning hip-hop is a teacher's level. When I contacted him later, I refused the two invitations he sent me when I was considering whether to continue. Because I had no love experience and was passive, he took the initiative. Now I suddenly don't contact him for half a month, and I don't even interact with my circle of friends. I don't know what happened. I don't know if I should contact him actively. How can I ease our relationship?
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Leng Ai replied: You can praise his circle of friends, and the most comment is the limit. Because in your current situation, if he doesn't take the initiative to contact you, it means that he is not so interested in you. However, in order to verify whether he is depressed because of your two rejections, you can comment and interact with him to release some usability and see if he has jumped on him.
In addition, many boys who study street dance are more likely to please girls. Always remember a rule, if a boy is good at pleasing you, then he will also be good at pleasing other girls.
Female: I am 28 years old, female, with a height of 157cm and a weight of 95kg. I am a junior college student, divorced for two years. I have a four-year-old son who is married to my ex-husband. His height is 174cm and his weight is 160kg. I am in junior high school, doing business, and I was introduced by two people in the same place. In the eyes of others, we are all suitable. I regret it after the divorce, but he has found a pregnant wife, and I still don't know how to choose. I always feel that I can't find anyone worse than him, but women who are married and have children are not as easy to find as men, and now they are old. I want to find a better person, no children, no need to be a stepmother. Now there are four options. I don't know how to choose one. Struggle, if you want to marry any of them, you have to resign and work with them. Each of them has his own advantages and disadvantages, either because of the distance, my parents don't agree, or they have children, or their appearance and height make me dissatisfied. In fact, I think I am a woman who is very suitable for life, so I think I am ok and a little demanding. I don't want to settle. I am too old to get married. I am anxious, tangled, and solved.
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Leng Ai replied: You have several questions about this case.
First, you said that you are a woman who is very suitable for life, but your case description did not show this trait. Besides, you said that you and your ex-husband often quarreled and finally divorced in the cold war. It seems that both of you lack the ability to manage conflicts. I'm afraid it's not as simple as living a good life. On the one hand, you complain about your ex-husband, on the other hand, you regret it after divorce, which is very inconsistent.
Second, you are divorced and have children, but you want to find someone with better conditions and no children. This is very unreasonable. Any stable long-term relationship must be an accurate value match. No one can take advantage, everyone can only match the person who suits them. Therefore, if you have children after divorce and want to find a childless person, I'm afraid his conditions will not be so good.
Third, your overall description, especially the last paragraph, feels like the mentality of an unmarried girl. This is the biggest crux of your whole article, that is, you don't evaluate your current self-state reasonably and objectively. Combined with the various entanglements of the four choices you mentioned before, my feeling is that you have no idea what you want. To make matters worse, you didn't learn from your last marriage and didn't grow at all.
You may still have many questions, but the above three aspects are already big problems. If we don't solve these problems, we will continue to struggle and delay ourselves, which will only make things worse and worse. I suggest you do one thing at once to start your change: stop complaining about your ex-husband, who has moved on and has nothing to do with you. What you need is to deeply reflect on what mistakes you made in your last marriage, and write them down one by one to make a complete self-analysis. Maybe take this as an opportunity, and you will make new changes.
Woman: Hello, Lengda. I am 24 years old today, 168cm, 64kg, and now I am a graduate student. I am faced with the problem of finding a job or continuing to study for a doctorate after graduation. Looking for a job, the form of graduate employment is not very good now, and the mathematics major feels more comfortable, so I want to continue studying for a doctorate, but I don't have a boyfriend yet, and my family is worried that if I study for a doctorate, I won't find a good partner. I'm a little worried about this, too. I want to ask Lengda's opinion. .
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Leng Ai replied: You can read a PhD, but you must do it out of your own interest and academic pursuit. It is not because the employment situation of graduate students is not good now, so I want to continue my doctoral studies. It's a way to shut yourself in an ivory tower to escape the problem. As for whether you have a boyfriend or not, you should not discuss it together. People who can find a good partner will not be unable to find it just because they have read a doctor; Just like a person who can get a good doctorate, he will not study for a doctorate because of the employment situation. We should learn to analyze and solve our own problems instead of blaming the outside world. By the way, if you are not interested in reading PhD, you will be very prone to depression, so be careful.
Woman: Hello, wise Lengda! I have been paying attention to you for half a year, and I have read almost every question and answer, which has benefited a lot. I have a question to ask, thank you in advance! My question is: how can I live in peace with my in-laws? The situation is this: I have been with my husband 10 for many years, and both of them are graduate students of 2 1 1. Now I work in a third-tier city with a monthly income of about 8K. I have a three-year-old son. His family's economic conditions are much better than mine, and I feel inferior. When we got married, my in-laws invested to buy a duplex house as a wedding room. Since we were all studying in other places at that time, my in-laws moved in in the name of "helping to look at the house". I think it doesn't matter if they spend the house. They lived there together after graduation and their original house was rented out. I have a little sister-in-law. Every week, my mother-in-law will invite her family to my house for the weekend. In addition, because my mother's home is not at home, my mother-in-law said that she couldn't take care of the children by herself, so she took my mother over to help and now lives together. Husband's family are all good, but living together for a long time will inevitably produce some small frictions, which will indirectly affect the feelings of husband and wife. In order to avoid quarreling, I try to be deaf and dumb at home and have a harmonious family. Now we have bought another house in the local area. My in-laws paid down payment, decoration and loan. Now that the house is installed, my in-laws want to live in a new house together on the grounds of "helping to look after the children". I told my husband privately that my child is going to kindergarten and wants to have his own small life. It is inconvenient for a large family to live together, and the two families are not far away. I want to see them at any time. My husband doesn't say anything, and he gets upset every time I mention it. We've been stalling. What can I do now to move out smoothly? I don't want to hurt the harmony of the family because of this, and I don't want to hurt the feelings of husband and wife. Please help me! Thank you very much
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Leng Ai replied: Not all problems can be solved by words, especially the pattern problem.
Judging from your current situation, you can't solve this problem quietly without hurting your feelings and feelings. On the one hand, both the upper house and the lower house are funded by the husband's family, which is only a question of the proportion of capital contribution. Whoever pays, of course, has the right to speak; On the other hand, you can get upset when you mention him, which shows that your husband is not only more precious, but also has no scruples about your emotions, which also shows that you are at a disadvantage in the relationship.
Now, from your description, you haven't fully integrated into this big family, let alone a role where you can run a family by yourself. Therefore, both your husband and your in-laws will now tend to maintain the status quo. If you want to change, you can only improve your self-worth and then influence your husband. You must realize that it is not enough to rely on your own will and strength. Only when your husband has the independent will to organize a small family life can he stand up and convince other family members.
There is still a long way to go in Xiu Yuan. I wish you all the best.
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