Cheng Han (pseudonym), the husband of Zhao Wen (pseudonym), is such a man.

In fact, in some aspects, Cheng Han is still very good. He graduated from a well-known university, has good conduct, does not smoke or drink, is motivated, diligent and self-disciplined...

Moreover, he has strong business ability and is a key training target of the company, with a bright future.

However, when it comes to Cheng Han's original family, it is difficult to describe it in a word.

Cheng Han is from the surrounding towns. His parents make a living by doing odd jobs, and his family background is average. He is the eldest in the family, with a younger brother and a younger sister.

In order to support the family in the early years, Cheng Han's parents did heavy physical work and lived frugally. Some minor ailments were not treated in time, so now that they are older, they have suffered from many diseases.

When Zhao Wen met Cheng Han, his younger brothers and sisters were still studying, and the family had a heavy burden.

After Zhao Wen’s parents learned about the situation, they objected to their daughter’s association with him.

Zhao Wen’s parents warned Cheng Han that her family’s financial situation was not good, her parents were in poor health, and their relationship was complicated. If she married him, she would have a lot of trouble in the future.

But at that time, Zhao Wen was dazzled by love and decided that Cheng Han was a "potential stock."

Moreover, Zhao Wen noticed Cheng Han's filial piety towards his parents when they were dating. She felt that a filial man was definitely worth entrusting her with for life.

But she did not expect that Cheng Han's filial piety was actually a kind of foolish filial piety. In essence, he had not completely separated from his original family.

In fact, Cheng Han's parents, like Xie Hongzu's mother, treated their son with control as love. Under such education, Cheng Han became a "tool man."

His life is "bundled" with his original family. The greatest value of his life is to feed his original family and repay his parents.

This is still the case even if he has already established his own small family.

However, Cheng Han's ability is not enough to support his original family, so in many cases, his filial piety is a kind of self-sacrifice, based on the sacrifice of the interests of the small family.

When Zhao Wen got married, she bought her wedding house through her own provident fund loan, and Cheng Han paid a pro rata one-third of the down payment.

In their married life, the two occasionally had disputes, but they were still happy.

Later, Zhao Wen became pregnant. Although Zhao Wen made it clear that her parents-in-law did not need to come to take care of her, they still came.

Fortunately, the parents-in-law are not bad people, and Zhao Wen has a good temper. Although some differences in values ??cannot be reconciled, they can still be tolerated, and everyone gets along fairly well.

Zhao Wen originally thought that her parents-in-law would leave after the child was born. Unexpectedly, Cheng Han found a job as a doorman for her father-in-law in a nearby community. They plan to stay for the long haul.

What surprised her even more was that her brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law also came in droves.

In this regard, Cheng Han explained that home is where the parents are. Since the parents stay to help take care of the children, the younger brothers and sisters will definitely come to live and work here.

Cheng Han also said that as the eldest son, he also has the responsibility to take in his younger siblings. He reassured Zhao Wen that his brother and sister would move out once they found jobs.

The family of 3 turned into a family of 7, which was a bit difficult for Zhao Wen to accept, but seeing that her husband was always caring and considerate and dedicated to the family, she said no more.

The house I bought was not big at first, less than 100 square meters. Now it has two bedrooms and a study room, both of which are packed to the brim. The most embarrassing thing is that there is only one bathroom in the room.

Having a shower and going to the toilet requires quick eyesight and quick hands. After half a month, Zhao Wen is going crazy.

The same goes for diet. The mother-in-law is responsible for cooking, and her children are here together, so the taste will inevitably be biased towards theirs. Zhao Wen has a bland taste and can never eat with them.

The most unbearable thing for her was that this was her home, but now she became an outsider.

Her husband and his family are happy, laughing and talking in a dialect that she doesn’t understand, but she still has difficulty integrating.

By the time Cheng Han thought of her and wanted to bring her together to chat, she had lost interest and went back to the room alone; even though sometimes she wanted to join in, she was often left in the cold.

She really couldn't bear this kind of life, so she could only keep complaining to Cheng Han.

Cheng Han always asked her to be more understanding on the grounds that her younger siblings had not yet found a job or had a stable job. Zhao Wen was furious and said that I understand them, but who will understand me?

Zhao Wen originally wanted to quarrel with Cheng Han to make her husband's family understand and leave.

Unexpectedly, the relationship between husband and wife became endangered due to frequent quarrels, but none of her husband's family left. Instead, they became more united, and the way they looked at her changed.

The seemingly incomprehensible state made Zhao Wen even more unhappy. Home was originally a place where people could relax, but now the home can no longer give Zhao Wen a sense of belonging.

There is a concept in psychology called: diffuse state of mind.

To put it simply, a marriage of low quality will make a person feel depressed.

Zhao Wen felt very depressed, and now she fully understood that Cheng Han had not completely separated from his original family. In his mind, his relationship with everyone in his original family was more important than the relationship between husband and wife.

There is a saying that a marriage that compromises is definitely not a good marriage.

Zhao Wen no longer had to compromise, so she couldn't bear it anymore and filed for divorce. Seeing her serious look, the whole family fell silent.

They all know that the property rights of this house belong to Zhao Wen, and once the marriage ends, they will all move out.

As a result, the parents-in-law began to act as peacemakers, the brother-in-law and sister-in-law also wisely stayed away, and Cheng Han also gave her kind words in private.

In the end, the husband’s family left and the marriage was temporarily saved.

Zhao Wen also understands that if Cheng Han still cannot be separated from his original family, the marriage will break up sooner or later.

Teacher Wu Zhihong wrote in "Why Family Hurts People":

"The relationship between husband and wife is the first relationship in the family, and this is the first law of a healthy family."

p>

The relationship between husband and wife is the core of the family. Those who cannot psychologically separate from their family of origin often cannot grasp this point, which often puts their marriage in trouble.

However, the dilemma faced by Zhao Wen is ultimately caused by the collision between traditional culture and modern culture.

Traditional culture is family-oriented, focusing on family ethics and filial piety; modern culture is individual-oriented, focusing on personal freedom and rights, and stressing a sense of boundaries.

Therefore, if you want to run a good relationship between husband and wife, the most important thing is to grow together spiritually with your partner and gradually reach an agreement on values.