"My womb is empty, but my life is full and complete" - this sentence comes from "The Best Decision".

In this book, 16 writers from Europe and the United States each wrote an article about why they did not have children and how they felt about life without having children.

The original English version had a very sharp title, called "Selfishness, Shallowness, and Self-Addiction." When it was translated into Chinese, the editor made some compromises and changed the title to a milder one.

As soon as you decide not to have children, all kinds of criticism will come at you, and the most common accusation is "selfishness."

And these 16 writers tell us that having children is not necessarily suitable, nor should it be suitable for everyone. Being a responsible, contributing and even happy adult is not just about having children. way.

People of the previous generation didn’t think too much about getting married and having children. Most people started having children as soon as they got married, without even planning their lives, and they didn’t know that they had given up. I just became a parent, and I was confused by all kinds of trivial matters. I had no rest day and night, and I couldn't do anything at all.

Nowadays, all young women seem to have career ambitions. Most of them plan to have children, but that is not possible for the time being. They have to wait until they get a degree and finish writing a novel. Traveling to dozens of countries, learning to surf... after doing these things, they want to have it all.

The female writer Pam Houston was like this when she was young. She became pregnant at the age of 29. At that time, she wanted to give birth to the child, thinking that having a child would not affect her writing career.

However, when she told her mother about the pregnancy, what she received was not a blessing. Pam Houston's mother said to her, "You have a very special talent, Pam, but if you decide to have this child, you will become completely ordinary, just like everyone else." Her mother was a dancer. , actress, it is obvious that she is not satisfied with her life. In order to cope with all the dissatisfactions in her life, she drinks three-fifths of a bottle of vodka every week and swallows a handful of drugs every day.

The editor of the publishing house put forward the opinion very tactfully, saying that he planned to promote her new book through book exhibition tours, and hoped that she could attend every event in person. The implication was that now was not the time to have this child.

Pam Houston gave up the only opportunity in her life to have a child. Now 52 years old, she has no regrets about all this, because when she was young, she always felt that she was powerful and there was still nothing left to do in life. Endless and vastly underestimate the stress that comes with the job of writing for publication.

Pam Houston felt that life without children was colorful and full of joy. She worked diligently, spent all the money she earned on herself, traveled and explored, and pursued better things. In order to allow herself to write better works, she paid off the loan to buy a house in 21 years. Every penny she earned was from teaching or writing. She thinks this is a very respectable way of living.

Pam Houston said: "Time is limited, and if I had children of my own to take care of, I would probably be a less generous teacher, a less considerate partner, and less available. "Friends who come along."

Seven years ago, Pam Houston became a stepmother and gained great happiness from it. She took her husband's daughter to travel and attend rock concerts. Share your favorite books with her... Pam Houston believes that it is precisely because she does not have children that she is able to give to others.

This is an example of a childless person who lived a fulfilling life.

If you don't have children, you will always hear all kinds of vicious curses, "Your life is incomplete" and "You will regret it when you are old"... But is this really the case?

If you don’t have children, what exactly do you gain and lose?

Life without children will be lost, the whole world is telling you, just as the writer Jenny Safer wrote in the article "Beyond Motherhood and Beyond": "No one will ever send me A Mother's Day card. I will never find my own tawny eyes on the little face of a newborn baby. I will never have my child smile at me. I will never wait until my child graduates from college or gets married... …I will have no heirs when I die…”

Jenny Safer wrote a book, “Beyond Motherhood: Choosing a Childless Life” at the age of 42, after she had been married for nine years. , when his reproductive period is coming to an end, he chooses not to have children. Now 25 years have passed, 67-year-old Jenny Safer feels proud and grateful for her decision back then, because she realized that it was precisely because of this choice that she could have such a life. She feels the same as several of her interviewees over 60 years old - they are not afraid of old age and having no children, they are satisfied with themselves and their partners, and they are all proud of their independent spirit.

For those who make writing a career, having their own independent space and time is the most important thing. Women writers who have achieved great success in literature - Jane Austen, the Bronte sisters, George Eliot, Virginia Woolf... all have no children.

Just like the female writer Courtney Hodel said: "They have to wash their children's faces, wipe their butts, feed them, bathe them, put them to sleep, teach them how to read word by word, and teach them how to do things step by step. , read to the children, pack toys, buy small clothes and pants, and then buy slightly larger clothes and pants six months later, worry about school... endless care and worry, endless worry I’m not sure I have this ability.”

Kate Christensen, a 52-year-old female writer, now lives with her boyfriend who is 20 years younger than her. They are happy and supported. Self, caring for each other, she writes in "Hundreds of Other Things": "Without my children, hundreds of other things flooded into the empty space in my life and occupied my time. and energy. With seven books published in fourteen years, two new ones on the way, and countless essays, interviews, book reviews, blogs, and emails, my days are getting busy and full, but I can stay calm. , focus and self-control, taking care of several children at every opportunity? I really can’t imagine it..."

A life without children is the current life and the current self.

I am one of those "unmaternal" people.

Looking back on my life, I have never had the desire to have children. I remember that when I was very young, I would even feel sad when I saw my mother holding her child, thinking that sooner or later, I would One day we have to be separated, so why bother being so close now.

It’s just that I’m not that rebellious yet. Although I don’t long for children, I have never excluded marriage and children from my life. Having children is like a job that I have to do, and the later the better. If you are thirty-two years old, then you will be born at thirty-two years old. If you are thirty-two years old, then you will be born again at thirty-six years old... and so on.

If I had met a good partner very early, I would probably have gotten married and had children in a haphazard manner, but I am not that lucky. From another perspective, I will have more time. To develop yourself.

If I give birth to a child in my twenties, they will rob me of my time and resources. I will not be able to spend the money I earn as I want, and I will not be able to travel wherever I want. Having time and space to treat myself and the people around me well...I'm really not sure if I hate her.

Raising offspring is wonderful, but I think we should save ourselves first.

There is an article by Wu Zhihong, which probably means, "For men's mid-life crisis, just give birth to a child." This is a metaphor. The "child" that a man wants to "give birth to", It can be a work or a career. If you don't do anything truly meaningful in this life, and everything you do seems to be floating on the water, you will have a crisis in middle age.

I think the same is true for women, but most women can really give birth to a child, covering up their inaction in their careers.

There are many regrets in my life. If I could turn back time, I would study wholeheartedly and choose a new major to reach the top. I would try other careers...but I still don’t want to Have a child.

The female writer Pam Houston mentioned earlier had a very talented student who quit the writing group. The student said: "I like the writing group very much, but I think this money should be spent more on children." Their education, not my own interests and hobbies.”

But why is your child’s education naturally more important than your self-education? If we think that sacrificing ourselves for our children is a nobler thing, we are taking a huge step backwards.

What is the meaning of a person's life? I thought I had to achieve myself after all.

Owen Yalom, the famous American existential psychologist, said that everyone must face the four fundamental propositions of life: death, loneliness, freedom and responsibility, and the meaning of life.

Yalom said that an important way to fight against death is influence.

If a person dies but still has influence on the world, it means that he still exists.

We want to "give birth to a child", and this "child" can thrive, and then after we die, our "child" can still affect the world.

This "child" should be your own work.

Every artifact of human culture we can find seems to encourage us to insist on procreation - if you are a woman, the serious thing you have to do is have children, and if you don't, there is something wrong, either There is something wrong with your body, or there is something wrong with your brain...

In this culture, everyone thinks they have the right to discuss the body and topic selection of a person who does not want children... They Throw those flimsy assumptions indiscriminately.

Some women regard motherhood as the most important thing, which is also a very respectable life, but it is wrong to say that people who do not want children are selfish. After all, many people are Children are born out of selfish wishes.

Nothing in life is born like this, it must be like this. Life always chooses one way and misses the scenery of the other way. It is better to cherish everything we have now and believe in everything we do. Decisions are always the best decisions.