Editorial comment/notes
Mid-Autumn Festival, National Day, two consecutive festivals, 26-year-old Gu was urged by his mother to get married: "Why don't you fall in love? People your age fall in love and get married, some of the children will play soy sauce, you can relax. Don't pick and choose. In the end, you can only pick what's left of others." Xiao Gu's good mood for the holidays fell apart and she argued with her mom, "Do you have to make me so miserable? Many people around me, like me, are not in love. It's my freedom to fall in love and get married whenever I want. Stop rushing me!"
This kind of marriage rushing is staged in many families and has become a major theme of conflict between the two generations. What are they worried about in the face of marriage?
On May 20, 2021, many couples made a special trip to Sweet Love Road, known as the sweetest road in Shanghai. Wang Gang Photo/Bright Photo
1. Willingness to love has become a major feature of young people's outlook on marriage.
"My parents are more anxious than I am about getting married and have been urging me to move out of the house."
"I haven't enjoyed being single enough. I want to get my job done first, then buy my own house and talk about marriage later."
"I don't want to make do, but it's hard to find the right person to marry."
"I haven't talked seriously about a date yet. TV shows and social media have had a big impact on my view of choosing a spouse."
Marriage is a major event in life, and "a man should get married when he is old enough, and a woman should get married when she is old enough" is our traditional marriage value. In recent years, more and more young people wandering outside the hall of marriage. The postponement of the marriage age and the low willingness of young people to fall in love and get married (not wanting to fall in love/get married, and not sure if they will fall in love/get married) have become a concern for the whole society.
In the survey, 12.8% of the young people chose not to fall in love with each other, and 26.3% of the respondents said they were not sure. For the question of "Will you get married in the future?" 25.1% of young people chose "not sure" and 8.9% chose "not to get married", that is, 34% of young people no longer take marriage for granted. In addition, nearly 30% of the young people interviewed have never been in love.
The study found that as the main force of marriage in the next 10 years, the willingness of "Generation Z" youth to marry is on the decline. According to world marriage data released by the United Nations Population Division, by 2030, the proportion of China's married population aged 20-29 will be 69.2 percent, which will be 8 percentage points lower than in 2013.
Further analyzed, women's willingness to get married is significantly lower than men's. 43.92% of women said they "won't get married" and "aren't sure if they will get married", 19.29% more than men. Women show a stronger hesitation towards marriage. However, no such gender difference was found in the survey on love attitudes. This indicates that women are more cautious about marriage.
The proportion of young people in economically developed areas who choose "not to get married" is 14.4%, 7.7 percentage points higher than that of young people in small cities. This suggests that the more economically developed the country is, the more people choose to be single. A statistical data shows that the provinces with the lowest marriage rate are economically developed Shanghai and Zhejiang. As the level of economic development rises, the number of young people with a low desire to marry is likely to continue to increase.
2. Young people who are willing to get married and fall in love, what are they thinking?
A "worried family" trapped by practical obstacles. A young man interviewed said: "In big cities, there are only two kinds of young people, those who have houses and those who have no houses. How can people without a house have a good love?" This kind of self-deprecation represents the psychology of some of the "marriage-anxious people". These young people are worried about the high cost of marriage and parenthood, but can do nothing about it, and their willingness to get married is invariably suppressed. Chinese people have always been seeking to live and work in peace and contentment, and the wedding house has become the standard equipment for marriage in the eyes of some people. The pressure of real estate has become a major obstacle for young people to choose marriage. A survey of young people in Beijing by the China Youth Research Association shows that 64.62% of unmarried young people who are in a relationship do not own real estate. According to the survey, among the reasons affecting the willingness to get married, 46% of the young people chose "the economic cost of marriage is too high". In addition, 56.2% chose "the cost of raising children is too high", which ranked second among the factors affecting the willingness to get married. Concerns about the cost of childbearing discourage many young people from getting married. "Getting married? I have to consider the bride price, banquet, house, car and children, these eight words are difficult for me." The netizen's playful comments reveal the hidden worries of these "marriage worries".
The "lazy marriage tribe" has a "Buddhist" attitude towards marriage. There is also a group of young people who are not averse to love and marriage, but who do not make a special effort to find their "other half" and adopt a carefree attitude. Xiao Li said, "I won't go on a blind date just to get married. Maybe I'll meet the right person in the future and walk into the marriage hall hand in hand, but if I can't find one, I can live alone." High-pressure work-study and fast-paced lifestyles consume a lot of energy among young people, who don't have the time and patience to devote to love and marriage. In the survey, 34.5 percent chose "I don't think I have the time and energy to get married." In addition, 60.8% of young people chose "it's hard to find the right person", which ranked first among the reasons affecting the willingness to get married. Lack of time and low probability of success, many young people choose a "Buddhist" attitude towards marriage. Other young people are immersed in the protection of the family they come from, and the comfort of their existing life kills their motivation to pursue a happy marriage. Netizen Silent said, "Since I was a child, I have been living under the care of my mom, dad and brother. I thought it was good to stay at home. They advised me to go out more and take the initiative to meet some people of the opposite sex, but I was too lazy to go."
3.What makes young people linger before the marriage hall?
Based on the value of individualism, some young people focus too much on the pursuit of personal values. The greatest sign of individualism is the expectation of "living for oneself". The youth of "Generation Z" are y influenced by individualism. They are concerned about their emotional awareness, psychological experience, spiritual needs and value realization. They not only have distinctive personalities, but also have a prominent sense of self and stronger independence. Under the guidance of individualistic values, these young people have a stronger sense of independence in marriage, focusing on self-feeling and independent choice. If marriage cannot improve their quality of life or affect the realization of personal self-worth, they are not willing to accept and choose marriage.
Some young people have a sense of powerlessness in finding an ideal partner due to the squeeze of time and space in modern life. In today's society, where competition is getting fiercer and work pressure is increasing, high-intensity work constantly squeezes young people's personal lives, leading to tensions between work and choosing a spouse. In addition to the small circle of interpersonal communication, the network to meet most of the needs of interaction, the reality of social needs to reduce, as well as the asymmetry of the marriage information, the credibility of the commercialized marriage service platform is insufficient, have increased the difficulty of searching for a partner of good will, prolonged the search time. Multiple objective constraints have led to the low willingness of some young people to get married and forced them to choose to be single.
Based on the concept of choosing a spouse, some young people have high expectations for marriage. The difficulty of choosing a spouse is the primary reason why young people are "unsure" whether to get married. In addition to the objective reasons mentioned above, the high expectation of a suitable spouse is an intrinsic subjective factor in young people's low willingness to get married. Many young people have an idealistic attitude towards choosing a spouse, and when expectations fall short of reality, they will lament: "It's too hard to find the right one!" They pay attention to both the "right family" and the "inner match"; they demand a material foundation and a compatible outlook; they demand a "face" and expect an "interesting mind". The "interesting mind". This "better than nothing" approach to choosing a partner has led to over-idealization of their expectations, which can lead to missing out on the best time to fall in love and get married.
Caught up in the high cost of marriage and parenthood, some young people adopt a rational attitude of avoiding the risks of marriage. With the increase in the level of social consumption and the general emphasis on children, "not being able to love," "not being able to get married," and "not being able to afford to raise a family" have become the three major challenges in the lives of Generation Z youth. The "Generation Z" youth have become the three big mountains in their lives. A survey on "Valentine's Day" found that 10.77% of the "Post-95s" relied on consumer loans for "Valentine's Day". The high price of the wedding room, the bride price, luxury wedding and other marriage customs make young people get married often spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to millions of dollars. The pressure caused by the refinement of child rearing and the high investment in child education makes young people cry out that they do not dare to have children, and there is a fear of child rearing. "Generation Z" young people have a more rational and pragmatic attitude towards marriage, and the weighing of "cost-benefit" has become an important factor in marriage decision-making. If they think the cost of marriage is higher than the benefit, in order to avoid the risks of "unhappy marriage", "marriage will bring a lot of trouble", "raising children who are not talented", etc., they will lower and suppress their willingness to get married. The fact that they are not able to do so has made it a choice for them to reduce and repress their desire to marry.
Based on the "punishment of motherhood", some women are resistant to and hesitant about marriage. Along with urbanization and marketization, women also face fierce competition in the workplace. However, the family-oriented child care model and the inadequate social public **** service system make women have to face the "motherhood penalty" due to the "motherhood culture" and occupational discrimination. The "motherhood penalty" means that women's role as mothers has a negative impact on their job search, job evaluation, salary and promotion opportunities. The research found that the most important reason for women not wanting to get married is "not wanting to have children" (68.83%), and the hesitation to have children has become an objective obstacle for women not getting married. In addition, as their subjectivity continues to manifest, many young women are gradually breaking through the barriers of traditional gender culture, redefining the contemporary meaning of gender roles, and showing their resistance to traditional gender roles and "motherhood" by remaining single.
4. What makes young people "able to love", "want to get married", "dare to get married"
Improve the quality of personal love and marriage, so that people "who have not loved" can "love". The first is the "I'm not sure what I'm talking about," but the second is the "I'm not sure what I'm talking about. For the "lazy marriage", not only to achieve economic independence, but also from the psychological really "weaned", out of the comfort zone, in order to seek intimacy to make room for psychological space, so as to activate the power of entering into love and marriage. At the same time, actively develop interpersonal circles, enrich amateur life, and take the initiative to learn the skills and techniques of communication with the opposite sex. For the "fear of marriage", we should rationally look at the direct or indirect negative experience of marriage, specific analysis of specific problems, summarize the experience of failure, to change the thinking and perception of the marriage "terrible", to eliminate the fear of psychology. For the "worried about marriage", to set a reasonable self-expectations and choose a spouse standard, do not follow the trend, do not compare, calm the mind, based on reality, the value of marriage on the two sides of the spiritual nourishment, such as the importance of the two sides of the value of the fit, interest and personality and other criteria, the courage to pursue their own good love.
Based on the systematic education on marriage and love, the "fear of marriage" is "not fear". The establishment of school, family and community trinity of youth marriage education system. First, it is recommended that the education department to organize marriage experts to design courses, marriage education into the ideological and political education system, from the values, knowledge, ability to set up three aspects of junior high school, high school, university stage related courses. Universities and high schools should combine classroom teaching with extracurricular activities, and online and offline, so that young people can form the values of attaching importance to marriage and the family; popularize the knowledge of gender relations, and use systematic education to dissolve the fragmented cognition of the Internet, and correct irrational concepts and catastrophic thinking about marriage and childbearing. Secondly, families should play a positive role as emotional harbors, advocate good family education and family styles of harmony between husband and wife, equality between men and women, and emotional harmony, so as to enhance young people's positive experience of marriage and love and inspire them to aspire to love, marriage and other emotional experiences. Third, it is recommended that the community, in conjunction with professional social organizations and marriage experts, open youth marriage classes, marriage counseling and other activities to improve the accessibility of marriage education and enhance the youth's ability to manage and administer their emotions.
Build a "marriage-friendly" environment so that those who "want to get married" can do so. First, the publicity department to organize and promote the media, cultural associations, cultural companies to create positive marriage and family cultural products, organizing the most beautiful families, the most beautiful couples, and other selection activities, will be the beautiful love, happy family picture figurative, to evoke young people based on the marriage of the family happiness of the positive emotional experience. In addition, civilized and simple "new marriage customs" are vigorously promoted throughout society, so that love and marriage can be free of utilitarian overtones and undesirable customs, so that society as a whole can be ashamed of the idea that "entering into a marriage is a form of financial solicitation", and young people can be free of the idea that "those who don't have a house aren't qualified to fall in love". The people who are not qualified to fall in love" internal and external pressure, back to the "two people hand in hand, starting from scratch," the beautiful picture.
The second is to give full play to the advantages of group organizations, integrate the civil affairs departments, market institutions, social public welfare organizations and other platforms and resources, establish and improve the big data platform for dating information, explore the development of mobile Internet dating platforms with multi-functionality such as information collection, scientific matching, etc., and create a number of low-cost, highly accessible, high-trust public welfare dating service brands to provide specialized and accurate dating services.
Three of the three
Thirdly, the government should strengthen the design of the system with the purpose of "marriage-friendly", and formulate preferential policies for public **** rental and purchase of housing for marriageable young people; enterprises and public institutions should strictly safeguard the labor rights and interests of the employees, and oppose the culture of excessive overtime work in the workplace, as well as safeguard the employees' right to rest and space for relaxation; trade unions and **** youth organizations can actively organize youth dating services for young people. Youth League organizations can actively organize youth dating and fellowship activities to enrich the leisure and cultural life of young people.
Taking the supporting policies and services for childbirth as a guarantee, let the "fear of birth" "dare to tie the knot". The first is to provide "affordable", "affordable", "affordable", "affordable" universal child care services. It is recommended that the central government strengthen top-level design, introduce a policy support list, and build a diversified, multifaceted system of inclusive childcare services by integrating childcare and social institutions, employers running their own services, and communities embedding their own services. Systematize the training of childcare practitioners to provide quality talent support for childcare services. The government and industry associations should do a good job of training practitioners and continuously improve their sense of professional identity. The relevant departments will strengthen the improvement and implementation of the qualification accreditation and record management system, the information disclosure system, and the quality supervision and evaluation system for childcare service providers.
The second is to improve the "female-friendly" maternity support policy. We are improving legislation on marriage and childbirth, extending paternity leave for men, and establishing paid parental leave for both parents that is flexible and can be implemented flexibly, so as to guide men to take on more of the responsibility of raising children. Change the existing "employer responsibility system" model of maternity insurance costs, on the basis of all employers to pay maternity insurance premiums, to strengthen the government to promote the coordination of maternity costs of social **** share, so as to reduce the employer's burden of maternity insurance, to alleviate the gender discrimination in the workplace.
Thirdly, it promotes family education guidance and shapes a scientific and rational view of parenting and education. Through publicity and education, parents' classes and other channels, we will actively publicize a new concept of talent and a new concept of family education, oppose over-elaborate and comparative parenting and education, put an end to the phenomenon of "jumping the gun" in education, and reduce the cost of parenting and educational anxiety.
(Panelists: Ju Xiaoyan, Jiang Zhenhua, Li Yanping)
Guangming Daily (October 08, 2021, 07 Edition)
Related Q&A: How to download Pocket E MarketingPocket E Marketing DownloadRelated Q&A: Is Ping An Digital Pocket App good to use?Ping An Digital Pocket App is a financial service app launched by Ping An Bank, which is quite convenient to use, both in terms of page and function. It is upgraded from the Ping An Bank "Pocket Finance App", new brand, new logo, new experience, customers and scenes as a starting point, breaking through the limitations of the traditional financial functions, the object of service is also upgraded from customers to Internet users.