Oral narrator|Lin Jian (pseudonym), the programmer ape who was led astray by his girlfriend
I exerted all my strength and gave her ten slaps on her buttocks left and right, but she was slightly drenched in beads of sweat, and biting her lip to gasp, "Again, again."
This full of teasing nature of the words let me feel very tricky, on the one hand, is the heartache of their own right hand, as an ex-girlfriend accompanied me for more than twenty years, but today in front of the real girlfriend by Newton's third law of the fire like pain; more importantly, I never thought that, in my full of self-confidence under the force of ten strikes, she was still, steady as a cold pine, but also launched a pornographic full of provocation, to me. Internal strength deep to this, let me sigh this ass probably not made of iron!
She is my girlfriend, Hongdou. Before that, we had been in a relationship for three years and showed signs of mutual frigidity. For this reason I have thought of many ways to salvage it, but none of them have been effective. For example, some time ago in the third anniversary of the time I will condoms hidden in the cake, want to have a surprise romantic pop with her, but I did not expect her to eat a mouthful of it, and finally went to the hospital with a laxative before pulling it out, but also made the whole body allergic to the history of "three years of itch".
Because of the systematic study of the theory of relativity, so I can completely understand why others are seven years itch, we fell in love with three years began to itch, this is probably the principle of the relativity of time.
Reminiscent of the beginning of the relationship, the two sides have leisure, WeChat telephone rounds bombardment, "sanitary napkin so wear to be comfortable, do not see you will cry! Such a private article she had to share a dozen a day to me; to her point of takeout I also various notes, please attach a small note on the lunch box "eat don't drink water, love your stomach." If you do not do, script brush bad reviews.
But the east wind is evil, happy thin. I don't know, a few years away from the rope. Time is long, we gradually became three over each other and not into the state, I came home to play games, red bean also came home to watch the drama; Saturday I often work overtime, at this time my girlfriend will become "Schr?dinger's red bean", always in the "just go out with girlfriends" and "A little while back" in the middle of the two states, this wonderful state of affairs in the cat when the physicist's heart pounding, happened to me when I also let my fox friends k9 friends heart pounding.
They are nosy, they always think I look green, and they work to find clues to justify their conclusions. And these fox friends k9 friends were able to survive the cruelty in front of me, mainly thanks to the fact that I had not practiced the vajra palm, and there was no way to call them dead with a slap.
All in all, it was as if the relationship had gone into a mixed rhythm. Oh yeah, we used to make sweet kitchen trips and make meals to feed the hungry, but since the philosophical question of "who's going to clean up and who's going to do the dishes" was declared eternally unanswerable after a number of heart-to-heart debates, eating has become a delusional idea, and now we're just left with waiting to die.
The kitchen waiting to be cleaned up
"I think we need to improve our relationship, or we're going to die." Probably thinking that our walking dead relationship had long been tasteless, the words popped out of Red Bean's mouth one day as she was on the couch applying a face mask.
I was playing a game in front of the computer a jolt, words did not hear all, only heard a "change" word. "Change! Must change, certainly change, daughter-in-law you do not get angry, you tell me where I am wrong, I will immediately change! According to the big data summary of previous quarrels, in order to make a big deal out of a small matter, and not delay my game, I put the standard answer out of my mouth.
"Wrong you sister ah! You just know to apologize and admit your mistakes, can't you be a little tougher?" Cherie's cheeks puffed up and half of her mask fell off.
Tough? What's that supposed to mean? For about five minutes, I fell into a thoughtful silence.
I felt a little strange in this world, shaking my head, remembering the four golden phrases I'd summarized for arguing with my girlfriend: it's my fault, I'll change it right away, you're right, trust me again; and running off to the bathroom to wash my face before daring to come back to cautiously ask the question, "Are you saying that I shouldn't admit my mistake and apologize?"
"Yeah, can't you see I'm being unreasonable?" Hongdou pulled a pillow and flung it in my direction, "You're being unreasonable and you're apologizing, you've got 0 enlightenment! Awww, it's annoying the hell out of me!"
"Let's put it this way, aren't you mad at me for being unreasonable?" Cherie plugged in.
"Angry."
"Want to hit someone?"
"Want to."
"Hit me."
"What did you say?"
My own understanding of "SP"
Rhongdou confessed everything to me in my shock, very early on, she has had fantasies about SP, she is not always on Saturdays and her girlfriends go out shopping, but also occasionally went to some small circle of people's parties and munch, which makes her sure of her own Fantasies, but has not been afraid to show the cards with me, afraid that our three years of operation between the relationship directly into the waste.
So time came to the night at the beginning of the article, and since then, I have y realized how a harmonious love life can pull both sides of the demand growth and promote the harmony of the couple relationship.
The only small problem is that my hands hurt.
For a moment, I was really considering enrolling in a crash course in vajra palms, because the fear of being dominated by a red-beaned ass was still fresh in my mind, and the next day my hands were swollen and swollen, and I was slowed down by 72.4% in writing code, and accused of inefficiency by my leaders, a situation that brought tears to my eyes, and made me think of the indignity of not being able to do my homework because of the swollen palm of my hand by the teacher in elementary school, and then proceeding to continue to get my hand smacked on the palm of my hand the next day.
But the practice of vajra palm, and there is no guarantee that the process of practicing may be even more painful than my current situation, so I suggested to red bean, why don't we use a tool, coat hanger whip shoe puller, when I was a child my father took these to beat me. Keep your body soothing, voice, tendons through the blood; I also save energy, hands not to destruction; one stone, two birds, the best of both worlds.
Hearing this, Hongdou profoundly criticized me, she felt that I do not love her, not even willing to use her hand and her physical collision exchange; but at night when she went to sleep, she again held my right hand tightly in the chest, tenderly rubbing until fall asleep.
After two days, I received a courier, unwrapped is a leather beat, red bean said, your hand beat is not as comfortable as it, from now on, use this.
I nodded, ecstatic, so that one of the last small problems affecting us was solved. I have to say, this texture is not really superior leather hand clap every night of desire fermentation, it becomes the most popular object in the house. Like the air conditioning remote control or something, if the weather does not come a few dozen degrees of big reversal, it lying in the drawer in the line of duty will not be found, but hand clap if littered and put, I and red bean three days and two days will look for its whereabouts.
Red Bean was bruised and battered by the hand clapper every time, but was always happy to do so. I nicknamed her "Iron Butt", and she always replied to me in the same tone as in the Idea commercials, "You haven't eaten, have you? Uncle!"
Leather Hand Clap
I thought life had just gotten back together and God had helped us with all our troubles. But a few weeks ago, the company Cherie was working for went out of business, the owner ran away with the money, and Cherie received a group message from her work group that she never had to go to work again. Both of our incomes were cut in half at once, and the pressure of life was all on me for the time being, making me not very grumpy for several days in a row.
One time when Hongdou came back late from a job interview, I was hacking chicken with a few friends, all of us hacking each other and chatting until we were in the middle of it.
"Wow, your girlfriend is not at home again, it's not like you're eating chicken at home and she's 'eating chicken' outside."
Several of his friends laughed, and the laughter even reached Hongdou's ears. Red Bean came over and pulled the microphone over and said, "Yeah, ate out with your wife."
At night after her shower, Hongdou ran over to me and rubbed my hand, a code word agreed upon between us. I took out the hand clap, dimmed the lights, ten strokes on the left, ten strokes on the right as foreplay, this is a long agreed upon practice.
The lonely moon was high outside the window, the whistling light railroad muffled the sound of the leather clapper hitting the flesh, and Cherie lay on my knees, two lines of tears just flowed down.
Red Bean had never cried from me before, and I hurriedly asked her what was wrong.
She wiped the tears that she couldn't wipe away and said, "It hurts."
I was a bit at a loss for words, because before only red bean said I did not hit hard enough, never said I hit the pain of the situation, I helped her to the sofa, grasping the beat of the hand slightly sweaty, "Where does it hurt?"
Red Bean leaned against me, tears streaming down her neck, she kept pressing on her chest, her breathing heavy and short, "Do you believe me? I'm not cheating and I'll get a job."
I was a little embarrassed for a moment, I honestly hadn't really thought about any of this. Do I believe in Cherie? I should believe it, at least the pillow person who spends time together should be trusted more than the friends on the internet; or to take a step back, should I have to be skeptical? Two lonely people drifting in a strange city, all they need is to comfort each other, ordinary life, doubt will only make life worse.
But I couldn't tell Hongdou that I didn't doubt her, not because I believed in her, but because I didn't want to ruin my life now.
Red Bean saw the fleeting hesitation in my eyes as she brought her face up to me, her nose about to touch mine, her breath entwined with mine, "I don't like this beat at all, if I was an iron butt would you be willing to practice vajra palms for me?"
I was stumped and didn't say anything, I really didn't like the burning pain in my palms, it would make it hard for me to sleep, it would interfere with my work, it would make me not eat well, it would make me tremble when I held my chopsticks, and I could think of too many reasons to turn her down.
The light in Hongdou's eyes dimmed, but her body remained burrowed in my arms, not moving away.
She leaned too close, too close, even the heartbeat rhymes with my heartbeat, so that I instantly saw the first acquaintance of the oath of alliance and the same sweet **** bitter, saw those times that have long been forgotten by the memory of the time, in that instant, as if the life, the work, the troubles and whatnot and it does not matter, which makes my raised hand can not help but fall down heavily, it is the sound that only the collision of the palm of the King Kong and the iron buttocks will make.