1. I hope I am the heroine of an idol drama.

Many friends told me that they are currently following "Next Stop Happiness". I was embarrassed to add "Oh, the plot is actually very cliché" and "quite boring".

I said "boring", but my tone was red and excited. I feel like I want to sit down with you and have a good chat.

In the play, "He" has the aura of a heroine. Whether it is the mature, rich and steady Ye, or the sunny, handsome Yuan or Song, they all "don't know what they are doing and keep going deep."

No wonder young ladies like me are so excited, silently giving themselves a shot in the arm 3354 "There is still hope" and "it is worth living in the world", and beautiful things will happen. Let's put it this way, I wish I were Fan Xing himself.

However, the paradox is: when we leave the TV series and when in real life there are people dressed up and personally performing love stories that "overcome all kinds of secular prejudices and persevere in love", we are not optimistic.

This is strange.

Sometimes we find ourselves trapped in double standards.

I remember when the divorce between Song Hye Kyo Kyung and Song Joong Ki came to light, many voices criticized Song Hye Kyo Kyung's "love brain." The general meaning is: I am already so old, but I still only want to fall in love. When it comes to love, I am completely disarmed. Whoever I play CP with will always pretend to be real in the end.

When Li Xiaolu’s divorce was exposed, Li Xiaolu chose to divorce because he had a relationship with a rapper who was 13 years younger than himself. Therefore, she is described as "Madame Bovary who only pursues legendary love."

However, on the other hand, we seem to have a beautiful imagination of "sister-in-law love". We always want to believe that there is always something good. While we don’t know if they will happen to us, we have no doubt that they might.

2. What is the real impact of divorce on us?

The reason behind our "optimistic" or "pessimistic" attitude is whether we have the ability to see reality clearly when we dare to persist in love.

Madame Bovary, written by Lou Bai, looked down on her husband who was a village doctor and cheated on her twice in pursuit of "legendary love". However, the two cheating relationships did not bring her happiness, but instead made her the target of loan sharks. In the end, he was deeply in debt and committed suicide by taking poison.

Why are those Madame Bovary who pursued love not taken seriously? That's because, just like Madame Bovary herself, she blindly pursues the love in her heart, but has no ability to recognize and enter reality. For example, what kind of relationship does she need? What kind of person is really suitable for her? What kind of life can you pursue?

Madame Bovary was so obsessed with lust that she lost the ability to see reality clearly. On the other hand, a fact that cannot be ignored is that we live in reality. Lack of the ability to see reality clearly and integrate into reality will cause frustration in our real life.

In addition, among the many indicators of mental health, it is very important to be able to see reality clearly and have the ability to integrate into it.

For example, we clearly know our age and what age means. For example, if we are in our thirties, we know and acknowledge that we may not be the same as we were in our twenties. We don’t have the collagen of those in our twenties, but we have the experience, wisdom and beauty of those in our thirties.

We do not exclude sibling love, however, we also know that sibling love can bring some challenges. For example, in "The Next Stop of Happiness", He's brother said to him: She (He) is very beautiful now, but in five or ten years, the collagen will be lost. Then will you still like her?

We have the right to pursue love at any time. Behind the pursuit of love is the pursuit of a more energetic, higher quality, and better life. However, at the same time, we also have the ability to clearly see what the real impact of divorce is on us, whether it is a test of our children, personal assets, career development, and even psychological endurance.

Just like a friend of mine, who was having an affair with her boyfriend Prepare to get married and buy a house together. At this time, she suddenly felt that her boyfriend was not married enough and she wanted to break up. While she's considering a breakup, she's also considering the division of their property and whether they can afford it.

Feelings aside, this is reality. Is this utilitarian? I don’t know, and I don’t deny it, but it is more realistic.

In other words, when you see reality, you know where you are going, that is, how capable you are of supporting yourself in pursuing freedom, including emotional freedom.

3. Never attack your own tough character.

Looking around at life, we are as polarized about ourselves as we are about this thing. On the one hand, we long for emotional satisfaction, set limits for ourselves, live in a pool of stagnant water, and see the infinite possibilities of life; on the other hand, once we see reality, the cold reality often scares us away.

The first situation is more extreme, turning into Madame Bovary with vague lust; the second situation is more extreme, turning into a sigh of being kidnapped by life and having to accept her fate.

My friend from 1989 can be said to be very outstanding. He got married right after graduation and has a 4-year-old child. I have been married to my husband for seven years, and today, I have many problems. The crux of the matter is that she doesn't think anyone is at fault, but that they are inappropriate. She wanted to divorce, but after thinking about it for a long time, she reluctantly gave up.

The reason is: She does not think that a woman who has a child can still find her own feelings.

We say it won’t work if we can’t see the reality, but if we see too much reality, we will add too many judgments from reality to ourselves, so that we create our own dilemma, draw a wall and make it difficult to move forward.

Teacher Zeng Qifeng once said that some single mothers feel that children are a big obstacle when looking for their partner. For example, they may think: It is troublesome to take care of children; the children will disagree; the other party will be too cumbersome, etc. And some mothers, relying on their tenacious character of never attacking themselves, not only can not think so, but even regard their children as an advantage.

Because, when you attack yourself, the people or things in the outside world are just excuses you use to prove that you are "unworthy".

For example, when you are unsure of your own value, both your children and each other will become obstacles to you. Now, maybe your kids are holding you back. If you don't have kids, maybe age is your new obstacle. If you're young, you feel like you're not good enough. If you're good enough, you feel like you're not interesting enough. If you're young, you feel like you're not interesting enough. You're interesting enough, but you don't think you're pretty enough.

You can see that, can't you? This excuse can go straight down. Any excuse is just a tool you use to attack yourself.

Both are extremely common, but few people can walk in the middle. On the one hand, we think "I am worthy"; we are willing to see the infinite possibilities of life; we do not give up the opportunity to make ourselves happier.

At the same time, we are not blind. We can see reality clearly, evaluate ourselves objectively and rationally in reality, and never attack ourselves.

In addition, we are willing to work to increase our confidence in achieving spiritual and emotional fulfillment. This confidence comes from the more relaxed, safe and free internal and external environment created through one's own efforts.