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Years later, my best friend n invited me to dinner to catch up. We sat down and ordered some delicious food. After only two times, her cell phone rang. After answering the phone, she was not feeling well. I tempted her with delicious food, but she still lacked interest.

I can't help asking her, what phone call can make you like this in an instant?

N sighed and told me that one of her uncles called her to borrow 20 thousand yuan and asked her to help.

I asked casually, why did he borrow money?

N said gloomily that his son and classmates need tens of thousands of dollars to go to the United States, and the family doesn't have that much money. At first, he said it was too expensive, so he advised his son to give up! But this cousin has been spoiled since childhood. He is twenty years old. If he doesn't obey him, he will fly into a rage at once. He has been on a hunger strike for two days, saying that he has made an appointment with his classmates. It would be a pity if he didn't go. If he is not allowed to go to America, he will die for them.

I snorted: then go to hell. This kind of child, the whole loser, screams three times after acupuncture, which has the courage to die.

N said: Who said no, but people were worried about their precious son, so they agreed hastily and came to borrow money. To tell the truth, he borrowed 5000 yuan from me last year because his son clamored for an Apple 6S. Their husband and wife earn less than 7000 yuan a month, but they love their son very much. From an early age, they gave him everything he wanted. They think this is called loving children, and what they often say is "We have suffered before, and now we can't let our children suffer any more".

That's true, but you should do what you can! When I was a child, my son only asked buy buy to buy toys, which he could afford. But now he has to change his mobile phone, tablet computer and go abroad for a while. They couldn't stand it for a long time and had to borrow money from their relatives. Many people have long hated their home.

I can't help asking: Is it so exaggerated?

N said sadly, you haven't seen my cousin. His parents' annual income is less than100000, but he always goes to a five-star hotel every time he invites his classmates. He must buy famous brands for his clothes, and he must buy a pair of sports shoes as soon as the new style comes up. He has squandered their little money. During the Spring Festival, his parents were still worried. What should he do with the money for his future marriage? It is said that his mother worked three jobs to barely maintain his expenses.

I said, have you advised them?

N Roll your eyes: Why don't you persuade him? When they are persuaded to do it, they will only frown and say pitifully,' What can I do, only one child', as if all your persuasion is to stop him from loving children.

02

I totally understand how n feels.

Several years ago, I knew a girl. At that time, she was carrying more than 10 thousand bags, and the diamonds around her neck were huge and shiny. She wore a pink cashmere coat with wavy hair and drove hundreds of thousands of cars from work.

At the beginning, I always thought she was a rich girl, even if she wasn't, she was the daughter of a rich family.

Later, someone overheard her on the phone and realized the truth. Her father is a security guard and her mother is a sanitation worker. When she bought a car, all the savings at home were only 30 thousand yuan. Her parents had the cheek to borrow hundreds of thousands from relatives, and the rest were paid off by mortgage. Her parents called her just because the mortgage was almost poor and asked her if she could take out some. Hearing this, she was so excited that it was useless to condemn her parents. Her parents had a hard time buying a car for their children. Because she was so excited, she heard the call.

After knowing the truth, many people condemned the girl behind her back, thinking that she was vain, heartless and unfilial.

I don't like such girls either, but what I don't agree with is what these parents do: there are only 30 thousand at home, and the children want 300 thousand cars? Borrow if you can't afford it? I know, they will definitely say, children want it, there is no way! Don't let the children down!

Presumably this is not the first time that a girl has made such a request.

During this time, many articles have been circulated on the Internet, similar to your parents still struggling, but you are showing off poetry and distance. Your parents are humble, but you are glamorous. Many people have condemned such children.

However, please don't ignore a question: who provided them with the way to the distance? Who wronged himself and let himself live a glamorous life? Don't say this is great fatherly love and maternal love.

There are many kinds of love, but I think this kind of love is not great. If you have to give this kind of love an adjective, you can only give it a "stupid". In the name of love, they raised a good child, but lost humanity. Is this something worthy of praise?

03

In recent years, the topic of poor or rich support on the internet has never been broken. Many people around me ask me whether it is better to raise children in poverty or in wealth.

I always answer that I don't have to worry about whether I am rich or poor, and I will live the life that my children live.

If you are obviously rich, but you are extremely picky about your child's material, he will have ghosts if he is mentally normal; But if you have no money, but you can still feed your children with money, will the rich children be normal? Think about it.

I always think that China's parents love their children too much, but they love them too much. Don't love where you should love, and dump where you shouldn't love. As a result, "blx", "baiwenhang" and children who live completely in the fairy tale world can be seen everywhere in society.

Many people accuse children of being too poor and ungrateful, especially those white-haired old people who bend over for their children. When they are rudely treated by children, public opinion always sympathizes with these old people and accuses those children.

However, please don't forget that these children will not be born out of thin air, but whenever they show all kinds of unusual behaviors, there is always a track worth pursuing.

Many parents always like to provide their children with a life far beyond their own, flaunting that their love is selfless and has the spirit of sacrifice and dedication. In the past few decades, this deformed love and backward parenting style have been sought after by many media and mainstream values. On the contrary, they criticize those parents who have retained their ego and pursuit, accusing them of being too selfish and indifferent to be parents.

If someone questions their "selfless" parenting style, it will immediately attract accusations and abuse.

"If you don't even love your own children, is this still a person?"

"When you have your own children, it will be the same."

"You are too selfish to have children. I feel sorry for your child. "

However, after several decades, the so-called children who were raised with great love severely hit their parents in the face with practical actions, while the children who were raised by the so-called "selfish and indifferent" parents grew up to be independent, active and excellent children. Isn't this worthy of our reflection?

In this world, there is only one behavior that truly loves a child, and that is to be responsible for his long life, to give him a healthy and normal soul, and to give him the ability to be independent from the world, instead of giving money and things.

Otherwise, in stupid behavior, no matter how many layers of "selfless" coats are wrapped, the fact that stupidity harms people cannot be changed.

About the author: Chi Ai, writer, screenwriter, founder of Yun Yixuan Emerald, author of books such as How Much I Want, How Happy I am, and Luxury Marriage, [E-mail? Protected], personal public platform: wanqingdepingtai